Saturday, December 29, 2007

A LETTER TO FRITO LAY'S...

December 29, 2007


Dear Chester Cheeto,

First, thank you.

Thank you for your (NATURAL) White Cheddar Cheetos puffs. They are simply out of this world.

I enjoy these delicious puffs of white cheddary goodness for a number of reasons.

First, because they are WHITE cheddar, they do not leave an orange residue on my hands or mouth when I have eaten a few (dozen). They still leave a powdery residue but it doesn't show as badly when I wipe my hands on my pants.

Second, they are NATURAL - it says so right on the bag. Surely, that means they are a healthy snack. Right? So I can eat as many as I want. Right?

Third, they are just so darn delicious. But therein lies the problem.

See I can't stop eating them. I have been known to eat a standard size bag, which is 8.5 ounces, in two or three sittings. As I munch away on them, letting the powder build up on my fingers (invisibly of course) and wiping my hands on my pants, allowing my teeth to become coated in the (NATURAL) powder of white cheddar; I lose all track of time and reality. I allow myself to think I'm having a (NATURAL) snack.

I mean, at least I'm not eating the WHOLE bag in one sitting. That would be outrageous.

Right?

Imagine my surprise though, when I read the "Nutrition Facts" on the back of my bag of White Cheddar Cheetos Puffs and saw that there were "about 9" servings per container.

NINE?!!?

So that leads me to assume that there are people out there who actually stop eating these delicious powdery puffs after enjoying only "About 32 pieces."

ASTOUNDING!!

That also leads me to assume that this 8.5 ounce bag is not meant to be a "Snack size bag! Great for lunch boxes and after school snacks!"

OOOPS!!

I guess a snack size bag would be more like...say....1.5 ounces? (Sigh...that seems so small)

Which leads me to my request.

Could you please, PLEASE, in the name of all that is good and holy (and low fat and healthy) start making SNACK SIZE bags of NATURAL White Cheddar Cheetos Puffs?

I had actually stopped buying the NATURAL White Cheddar Cheetos Puffs for a long while because I could not trust myself to behave like a rational human being while they were in the house. I only just bought them this week to share with our Christmas company.

I'm generous like that.

So, if you would PLEASE start making them in snack size bags, I will start buying them again.


And again, and again, and again.


I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours covered in White Cheddary Goodness,

HW

5 comments:

Susiewearsthepants said...

I like to eat those at home, that way I can let the cheese build up on my fingers and then lick it off.

Chris said...

Okay - this is going to sound really gross I know - but when I was in high school, THE lunch to be seen eating was the orange crunchy style cheetos dipped into chocolate soft-serve...


...which explains a lot, I guess...hmmm...

Beaner said...

I can't stop laughing - this is too funny! Have you ever tried doing stand-up? I think you have a gift!!!

Beaner said...

OK - I was in Kroger tonight & I was staring at the place which SHOULD have held that white cheddary goodness, and yet there was NONE to be found. Why do you tease me so??? (And what store do you shop at???)

The Amazing Trips said...

Yes, yes, yes. I buy the mega big bag at Costco. The reason I love them is because they are "natural" AND because they are white. Orange Cheetos just seem so unnatural to me. And of course it's easy to eat things by the handful when they are natural.

Like O'Henry bars. Oatmeal: good for you. Peanut Butter: good for you. Semi-sweet chocolate: good for you. Butter, brown sugar, vanilla, Karo: good for you. Especially if you're anorexic and need to gain a few pounds. Or forty.