AT THE WALMARTS

Just before leaving for Wal-Mart yesterday, I heard our local newscaster report that there was a purse snatcher targeting women in the very parking lot in which I'd soon be parking my van.

YAY! Even more excitement in store for me.

I am a cash shopper so I was a little concerned that I might lose my grocery money. I also was concerned that some skanky thief was going to make off with my shiny cheetah print purse - cost: 15.99 at Payless. But it is KAH-YUTE!

I'm telling you if somebody tried to take my purse I'd be like "oh no you didn't just try to steal my big shiny cheetah bag!!" And then I'd be like "Yo! I've been in a bad mood for like 5 months now....YOU. DON'T. WANT. TO. MESS. WITH. ME."

Plus I had a birthday cake to buy for my husband and, really, does anybody want to stand between a menopausal woman and cream cheese frosting?

I think not.

So anyway, I made it into the store and was not at all disappointed in the colorful array of patrons there. There were three men causing quite a stir as they moved from checkout lane to checkout lane yelling at the world in general - but mostly each other. Anybody ever see the movie "The Dream Team"? These men were like characters out of that movie.

The best part was when I was in line and realized I'd forgotten to pick up strawberries. Strawberries are pretty important in this house. I had promised my daughter there would be fresh strawberries when she got home from school. What to do...what to do.

Thank goodness I left my spot in line to go get strawberries. Otherwise, I never would have ended up in a different line behind a man whose pants were riding below his hips, allowing me to see his undies (which were also oddly below his hips) AND the ends of his suspenders which were interestingly being worn INSIDE his shirt. Thankfully the suspenders were actually attached to his jeans otherwise they would have been on the floor, although there is not much more I could have seen.

He was about 75.

Well, this certainly put me on the horns of a dilemma.

Do I pull my cell phone out of my purse and snap a picture of this...this....this...unfortunate sight I was being forced to view all because we like strawberries. Do I go there? Do I get my very own "people of Walmart" photo added to the site?

I decided to take the high ground and leave my phone in my shiny cheetah print purse. My eyes were already going to be scrubbed with a Clorox wipe as soon as I got home; why put others through the same misery?

*sigh*

But wait! It gets better!!

As I pushed my cart out of the store, I notice TWO city police cars with flashing lights; and a third one just sitting there being non-flashy. They had boxed in a black SUV (the same vehicle described on the news regarding the purse snatcher).

And then I was all like "Yippee!! Our boys (and girls) in blue caught the bad guys!" And they had. And I got to see part of it.

I would have stayed around and watched the whole scene but I was disturbed by how the theme from "Cops" was suddenly playing in my head; so I loaded my groceries and came home.

Where I promptly dropped my husband's birthday cake on the floor - frosting side down. Thankfully it stayed covered. Thankfully my husband is VERY easy going. And thankfully, it actually looks homemade now that I've repaired the damage. It now looks all crooked and unevenly frosted - with a few cake crumbs blended into the frosting.

Just like I would have made. Now I can present it with love.