I'M SO GLAD WE'RE WHERE WE ARE....

Yesterday we went to a little engagement party. Our dear friends' son had planned to propose to his girlfriend and all the parents knew about it ahead of time; so we were invited to be at the house after he had popped the question to wish the young love birds best wishes.
They had gone out to dinner and then he took her to the park right across the street from our house, where his friends had decorated the gazebo with lights and candles and had music playing. There he dropped to his knee and asked her to be his bride. Then they came back to his parents' house where we were all waiting to wish them well, admire the ring, and hear the story. We were honored to be invited. I hope I can do something like that when it is my children.
On the way home, since the park is by our house, Paul and I stopped and cleaned up their decorations. Their friends had done a beautiful job.

As we were getting ready for bed and talking about the fun evening, I told Paul I was thrilled for them and thought it was exciting to see them start this phase of life. But then I said "But I'm so glad we're here and not at that beginning phase." He laughed and said "Me too."

Being engaged was fun; although our wedding plans did not go well. We had lots of things go wrong with the planning. The worst of which was my bridesmaids' dresses coming in the wrong color, with no time left to re-order. I had planned on periwinkle, and they came in lavender. My sister had just had a lavender wedding the previous year. I did not want a lavender wedding. I vividly recall standing at a pay phone in Little Rock sobbing to my sister in Dallas, "MMMMM-My dressss-sss-ss-es came in the wrong COLLLLLLLLOR!!!!!!" There was nothing to do but have a lavender wedding.
Then the wedding shop where I had purchased my dress closed. Not for the day - forever. Without doing my alterations. I would strongly suggest a woman NEVER watch while her dress is being altered in any way by a sweet little old lady in her home town. She did a fine job, but it is not a process one should watch. I remember getting light-headed and thinking "what the...?" as I watched her shove a crochet needle through the seam of my train so she could make the bustle loop. She just shoved it right through like she was testing to see if a pork roast was done. Within minutes, though, she had crocheted a beautiful, lacy little loop that held my train up . Then she had to sew the button on the train AND take in the bodice. I left before she started on that.....
Then one of our groomsmen cancelled on us TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING because he had qualified for a national college track meet, which was being held on our wedding weekend. So Paul had to call a cousin and say "UM....I know I hadn't asked you to be in the wedding, but..."

Of course the wedding itself went off without any problems. After all, what could possibly have gone wrong after the hellacious year I had endured planning the thing?

On the day I got married, I thought I knew what it meant to be in love. Now I KNOW what it means to be in love. Funny thing is, as we approach our 20th anniversary I don't know if I can actually put into words what it means. But I know I have it. I know I am not happy every day. Who is? But I am joyful and content and comfortable. And so very blessed. I am secure in my friendship, my partnership, my love and my committment with Paul. We have had our rough patches. If you know someone who has been married this long and has NOT had rough patches, please introduce me to this unicorn- like person. As I planned my wedding, I pictured my future. I pictured babies, a perfect home, a perfectly balanced checkbook to go along with our ever-growing savings account, storybook relationships with in-laws. I pictured myself always a size 5.

I did not plan on the struggles that truly bind you to your spouse. I didn't plan on job changes, and money worries; illnesses and death; family struggles and estrangements. I didn't plan on days, weeks, months where we lose track of each other for whatever reasons. I most certainly didn't plan on two miscarriages that turned my world upside down. I didn't plan on staying awake at night worrying about my children or dreading my husband's next trip overseas. I didn't plan on the wind being knocked out of me when he was in London during one of the subway bombings there. I didn't plan on having to help my mom out financially for two years. I'm sure Paul CERTAINLY didn't plan on that but he did it without complaint. There are so many things a new bride doesn't plan on.

Our young, totally-in-love minds and hearts can't go there when we are first starting out. And it's a good thing. Because those are the types of things that would seem insurmountable if we were seeing them ahead of us. But as we are going through them with our friend, our lover, our partner; they're manageable. And as we are looking at them behind us, well, they're just stepping stones. Some are more slippery than others, but we manage to get across all of them, and we feel somewhat victorious when we can plant our feet on solid ground again after the latest struggle. Especially when the pair of feet beside us belongs to the one you walked back up that aisle with however many years ago.

Not to take away from the joy of a new engagement and the excitment of being newly married, and not to sound jaded about new love. It is a beautiful time of life; a time of life I hope my children experience one day. But it leads to something even better.
Yes, I'm so glad we're where we are....