...home is where nurture lived, where strength thrived. Home was that place that fed the soul, healed the broken pieces of a life. Home is where you'll find what you're seeking...
Jane Kirkpatrick
This is what I strive to give my children. I strive to give them a place that feeds their souls. A place where they can heal their wounds, regardless of their stage in life. A place that shelters and warms them when life is stormy. A place where, even if they arrive weary and broken; they can collapse into a bed of love and breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that rest and healing are imminent. A place where love and mercy are always more abundant than judgment and anger.
I have always wished for that kind of home.
Oh, I live in that kind of home now. But I wish for that kind of home to go back to. My home of origin, I guess.
We built this house 6 years ago and have every intention of growing old here, hearing our grandchildren's laughter here. But we started building our home 20 years ago. And we keep adding to it; building and adjusting and rearranging. Learning over time how to best move things around to fit our phase of life, how to build the home that will feed our souls, the souls of our children, the souls of our grandchildren.
But when things are stormy here, when life has worn me down, when I feel like I'm surely failing at this job of wife and mother, when I have doubts... I have nowhere to go. No soft place to fall. No parents waiting with open arms to say "It's okay. Come and rest."
When my husband travelled for weeks at a time and I had two tiny children, I longed for a home
where nurture lived and strength thrived. I longed for a place where, after 3 or 4 weeks of raising these children alone, I could show up and just say "help me." Or better yet, a place where I would have to say nothing at all. I longed to hear the voice of one of my parents say "Come home and rest. Come home and let us help. Let us carry you, while you carry this burden."
But I did not have that.
And I grow in acceptance of that every day. I've learned to look elsewhere for the things that I've missed.
And I am determined to give my children those things.
One of the most important things I've learned from my childhood is what NOT to do as a parent.
And that's not a bad lesson to carry through life.
1 comment:
This post really speaks to me. I know exactly what you mean. As much I long for a mother who is loving and nurturing, I just don't have it. I CAN be that for my children. I can learn from past mistakes and strive to be a better parent. You sound like a wonderful wife and mother to me!
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