A DISAPPOINTMENT

Yesterday, when Blake got home from weight - lifting he found me in my craft room and said he needed to talk to me.

See, I had done something the day before that had hurt his feelings and disappointed him. I did something that embarrassed him; and I don't mean the typical day to day embarrassment that most teenagers suffer at the hands of their mothers. I'm talking about embarrassment that hurt his spirit and, although he didn't say it, probably made him question my loyalty to him.

He sat down and calmly and maturely stated his case and told me why my actions had made him so unhappy. He didn't raise his voice or even appear angry. That's how I knew his heart was hurting and not just his feelings. I told him I agreed with his feelings; explained how I would handle similar situations in the future and apologized profusely for letting him down. I told him that no human being on this earth will come before him or his sister in my heart, except their father, and I hope he believes that.

This one hurts.

This one makes me feel really small. I am disappointed in myself.

Disappointing your child is much worse than making him angry. I've been making him angry for nearly 17 years; and we both know it's part of the parent child relationship. But disappointing him? Making him feel uncomfortable? Huh-uh. That just doesn't fly.

I just wasn't thinking. I wasn't looking at things through his eyes. And now I know better.

The beautiful part of all this was that after our talk; he stood up and said "Thanks mom. I love you." And he hugged me.

I wanted to hold on forever because when you're son is closing in on 17, you don't get a lot of hugs from him. I had to stand on my tippy toes to hug him. And he had to meet me halfway by hunching his tall lanky self into an arch.

This child who learned to walk by following my outstretched arms; this child who learned to tie his shoes under my direction; this child who learned to ride a bike with me running beside him; this child who just moments ago stepped onto the school bus for his first day of kindergarten; this child who has learned from me for nearly 17 years, taught me a valuable lesson yesterday.

Learning from your child - it's a beautiful thing.