So.
My last post? I deleted it for a couple of different reasons, but not before reading your very sweet comments of encouragement and empathy.
Thank you.
And thank you to those of you who sent e-mails to encourage me and to let me know I was being prayed for.
While I certainly don't intend to take joy in others' sorrows, I found some comfort in learning that some of you have also been through very dark times - or are living in a dark time now. Just knowing that my little stumble into the valley is something others experience - that I'm not a complete weakling for giving in to this - is comforting.
Reading of your experiences has brought a couple of questions to mind:
1. Why are we women so hard on ourselves and insist on walking through the valley alone? I have my own theory on this but I'll keep it to myself for now.
2. Have I sent the women in my life a message that makes them hesitate to seek help from me in their darkest times. Have I sent a message that says I won't be a source of light when they are sitting in darkness? There has to be something that keeps us from seeking help from each other. Am I exhibiting that "something?" I want to examine myself and know if I'm lacking in that area. I want to know if I've passed up an opportunity to minister to a sister. Because there are a lot of people out there who are in a dark place right now. Are they seeking help? Do they wish somebody would notice and nobody has?
I realize that sometimes we don't want help and I'll admit I'm like that. When I'm feeling hopeless and helpless it is very easy for me to turn inward and want to remove myself from the world until the pain passes. Most of the time, at least.
Are you like that? Tell me. Tell me why you think we women are so hard on ourselves and why we don't allow ourselves to ask for help.
7 comments:
Because we are women. We are suppose to be able to do it all. We are suppose to be super wife and super mom. Every body depends on their mothers. If the mother gets sick, everything and everybody are out of whack. We are suppose to be strong and dependable.
I totally know what you are saying though. I'm the same way. Don't give up. Pray about it and ask God for help. God does answer pray. I will be thinking about you. Hang in there!
I don't know why we do it.
For me, at least, I let things get really, really bad before I can even admit I might, maybe, possibly need a teeny bit of help... then wait a little longer to actually ASK for some help.
One of those unanswerable questions?
My own answer comes from several things that are ingrained in the molecules of my DNA--being a woman period--being a southern woman--being a southern, Christian woman who was taken to church one week after she was born and everytime the doors were open thereafter. I told you in my e-mail that though I was diagnosed with clinical depression, it was more likely clinical exhaustion with a side of clinical guilt.
God DOES help us. . .and sometimes he helps us by MAKING US rest even when we think that means we are being wimps. God sent me MANY signals that I needed to rest. . .panic attacks in the guise of heart palpitations starting in 2004 (my doctor said because I REFUSED to panic, my body did it for me--I'm still on medication for them to this day), 40 pound weight gain in two years, unexplained swelling of my ankles and hands after the death of my father, spending most of last summer (I'm a teacher) hiding in my home--literally--went to church and the grocery store. . .that was IT. . .and I'm a people person.
How many more answers/signals did He need to give me? I was running to much and too fast on too little--and had been for years. So--He pulled out the big guns, and so did Satan. God said, "Rest." Satan said, "'Cause you're such an ungrateful weakling anyway." Then there were the sermons and the scriptures and the ladies' class lessons that I MYSELF had taught about how we are to count our blessings--look on the bright side--consider the lilies--and none of that is WRONG. What is wrong is that we forget that every story in the Bible didn't happen all in one week. They took YEARS. And Proverbs 31 is not a checklist for one day--it's for a LIFETIME.
I was blessed to have SOME friends who saw my need before I did. I had other friends who weren't so supportive--and even caused me much grief and pain over this time of my life--but I am stronger and smarter while realizing more my weakness and that I don't know much of anything. . .it's all in the balance. And our families tend to think we can leap tall buildings in a single bound. . .because most of the time we can--but even Superman was not immune to Kryptonite.
When I don't ask for help, it's usually because I know that the women around me are just as frazzled & weary & I don't want to add an extra burden to their already heavy load. I make excuses like "So-and-so just had a baby" or "So-and-so just had surgery" or "So-and-so is dealing with that difficult family situation" and on & on until there is no one left (in my mind) to share the load with.
I don't know exactly how to get out of that mindset. How can we be there for one another & share EACH OTHER'S loads? Maybe I am not doing my part to share in the burdens of others? These a big questions that I need to keep asking myself & maybe some of the women friends around me!
Sometimes it's too embarrassing to admit that things are not perfect.
Why don't we ask for help, hmmm?
Because when we ask for help, it doesn't get done in the time frame we need/want......so it's easier to do it ourselves.
Because if we ask for help, then we are admitting we're weak, and can't carry our delusional limit of "fair share" of the workload. Especially true, if you are a stay at home mom, and equate this as your job, and your husband/children as your employer....
Because we have this genetic code that says, perhaps if someone sees us struggling, they may actually pitch in and help, with out our asking, because that is what we would do...
Well, maybe those are just my reasons, but it sounds logical to me. :-)
LOVE your new look!
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