I CHOOSE TODAY

Remember those days when your children were babies? Those days when you thought:

I can't wait until they sleep through the night

I can't wait until they can walk

I can't wait until they can talk

I can't wait until they are out of diapers

(or am I the only one who had those thoughts?)

It seems when my children were little, as much as I cherished my babies, I found myself looking forward to new phases.

How exciting new phases were - and how relieved I sometimes was when those new phases arrived.

The first week of sleeping through the night? Was there anything closer to heaven than my head staying on my pillow for six to eight hours at a time? I think not.

The first happy days after potty training was complete? FREEDOM!!!!

I'll admit I was not one of those moms who sobbed my eyes out when my baby went to kindergarten. I was a little melancholy about missing both of my children but I also looked forward to all of that "free time." And truthfully, I looked forward to my children experiencing the magic of learning - to the world being opened up to them in a whole new way.

But that mysterious free time that comes when all of your children are in school? It took several years for me to actually learn what that felt like, but that's a whole other post.

Like most of you moms who have teenagers or older children, I've blinked my eyes a few times and my kids are practically adults.

My son is at USMC boot camp and I have not seen his face in 8 weeks.

My daughter is a junior in high school and is busy and active and social and in love with life.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But I realized the other day that I've spent much of my parenting years simply ignoring the beauty of the moment.

When they were babies, I so often let frustration and fatigue win out and I'd wish for them to grow up.

Now that they are growing up I want them to be little again and I dread them growing up even more.

I so enjoy my sweet daughter; and the last couple of months have been especially amazing with her. This girl knows how to make the most of life.

She sparkles.

But sometimes? Sometimes when I watch her with her friends or listen to her laugh, I find myself thinking "only two more years...." When she's working on the homecoming float in our garage, I stand back and watch and think "after this, only one more float." And my heart does a sad little flip flop.

I want to hold on to her and turn back time to the days she wore soft leather MaryJanes and big hair bows. I want to see the hole in her smile that so charmed us during the tooth fairy days. But at the same time I want to see her move deeper and deeper into this wonderful journey of life. I want to watch her experience the joys of prom, graduation, college, lifelong friendships.

And so I once again have a choice to make.

Just as I had to make a choice 15 months ago when my son enlisted in the Marine Corps - the choice to live in faith instead of in fear - now I am making the choice to live in the moment as a mother.

I cannot go back to the joys of those sweet sweet days when my children were little. But I can recognize and be entrenched in the sweet moment of today - the sweetness of a high school girl who lives life with joy and surrounds herself with girls as sweet and fun as she is; and the relief and happiness that comes from knowing my son is healthy and strong enough to endure Marine Boot Camp.

I cannot turn the calendar back; and the calendar will turn itself forward quickly enough without my watching it and dreading it.

So here is my choice.

I choose today.

And all of the blessings it holds.