THE BYU MORAL COMPASS

Let's talk about BYU.

Have you heard the story and read the reports - the story of the BYU basketball player who was suspended from the basketball team because he had sex with his girlfriend?

BYU's honor code (which each student must sign upon admission) forbids premarital sex and consumption of alcohol and caffeine. I'm sure there are many other items covered in the honor code but these items are the ones most mentioned because, evidently, our society thinks it is absolutely ridiculous to expect our young men and women to practice self control to the extent that they wait for marriage until they have sex and that they do not ride through college on a keg of beer.

My suspicion is that most people are appalled NOT at the rigidness of BYU's standards but at the fact that BYU was actually assertive enough to suspend one of its athletes from a team that was doing so well and was well on its way to some sort of championship. I doubt we would have heard or read one word about this story if Brandon Davies was a member of the marching band or the debate club.

At all levels, athletes (because our society so idolizes them) are usually given preferential treatment. It is nearly unheard of for an athlete to be punished in such a public way. We usually hear about it all after the fact or, more accurately, after the season when said athlete's talent has been squeezed for all it's worth.

And you know what? I am SO SICK AND TIRED of our society turning a blind eye to the poor behavior of sports stars. It happens in high school. It happens in college. And we all know it happens in the world of professional sports.

I have read a couple of opinion pieces that state it is a ridiculous policy, this BYU honor code. I suppose it is to most people. I suppose it is ridiculous to those who think college is a time for kids to "explore" and "experiment" and "find themselves." I am not one of those people. I am one of those really really prudish moms who believe college is a place at which my daughter will receive her degree and I expect her to spend her time pursuing that degree, not the next party (because - have you seen the price of tuition these days?) And if her grades indicate she's chosen the latter, all funding will cease and she can come home and work at the dog kennel.

Perhaps I am not so shocked at the BYU honor code because I went to a very strict and conservative Christian university (the same university at which my daughter has recently been accepted) But, at 18, I entered that campus knowing what the rules were and that I was expected to abide by those rules. I had a wonderful college experience with lots of fun and laughing. I made lifelong friends. But I knew what was expected of me and I followed through with my end of the bargain. So did my husband and so did probably 95% of the other students there.

It is interesting to me that people have stated that a young man or woman just out of high school cannot be mature enough to sign a contract that requires them to behave a certain way for the next four years.

I come at this from another angle. I watched my son sign a military contract when he was 17 and, while *I* worried that he was too young to commit to a five year career before he was even out of high school, not one other person expressed that concern to me. Oh we got plenty of other judgment from others, mostly along the lines of "how can you let your child become a killer," but nobody suggested he was too young to choose a life path with such rigid rules and regulations. I guess when we are arming them with M-16s and expecting them to fight our wars, we do not worry about their maturity level. We just expect them to fight that war and do it in a way that prevents us from getting our own hands dirty.

See, people don't stop and think that most of our military men and women have signed a contract at the age of 17, 18 or 19 - a contract that essentially puts their every action, their every thought into the hands of their superiors. They have signed an honor code and they WILL be expected to live by it. And yet, when a young man (who is approximately the age of my son) is expected to honor his contract that governs behavior at college, people are all uptight that he's just too young to have made that decision when he did. We expect our young soldiers, marines, airmen and sailors to honor their contracts every minute of every day. We expect it because our safety relies on it. But yet we think a college student of the same age just isn't mature enough to follow through after putting their signature on a piece of paper?

Also, my high school daughter signs contracts every year when she participates in an extracurricular activity. She is expected to abide by the rules the coach or sponsor has set before her. She is expected to represent herself, her team and her school in a way that her school has deemed appropriate. So at 15,16, 17, and 18 SHE is expected to honor a contract.

I feel for this young college basketball star. I feel for him because we all make bad decisions at his age - okay at any age. He surely isn't the only student on campus to have engaged in premarital sex or to have drunk alcohol or caffeine. He evidently was the one who was caught.

Which brings me to my biggest question: how did he come to a point where he ended up "confessing" to this sexual act. I have looked through a few articles and I cannot find the answer to that. If, as one person told me they'd read, he put it on facebook; then he should be suspended for being a jerk, not just for sleeping with his girlfriend.

Every institution we encounter sets its own behavioral compass. Work places, schools, society. BYU is no different. As a private institution they have the right to make their moral code as strict as they choose.

This is not to imply that Brandon Davies "got what he deserved." That is not for me to say. This is to say that people need to lighten up on BYU and recognize their rights.

Just like we have to recognize the rights of students to choose BYU or to move on to another institution that better suits their educational and social needs.