SOMEDAY I'LL LEARN TO DRESS MYSELF.....

So then last Sunday I was putting on a pair of pantyhose for church.

The pantyhose themselves were not going to be seen as I was going to wear boots with my skirt; so I grabbed black hose to put on with my brown skirt.

But then when I put on my brown boots I realized they were going to hurt my feet and that just won't do. It won't do at all, so I would have to throw on a pair of brown shoes.

So I started flinging pantyhose out of my drawer until I found a pair of "coffee" hose.

I KNOW I have a pair of coffee hose in here. WHERE ARE MY COFFEE HOSE??!!!

The clock was ticking and I hate being late. I hate being late more than I hate wearing pantyhose.

So I found my coffee hose and sat down on the bed with a "harumpf" and began the switch.

After getting my left foot into its proper leg, I started on the right, only to find that there was a substantial run in the right leg of my hose.

*sigh*

Ticking clock....ticking clock....

So I did some quick calculating and mental measuring and decided that the run would be far above the hemline of my skirt and might even stay there if I halted that run in its tracks with some hairspray.

Never have I been so glad to have a bathroom right off our bedroom because the journey for the hairspray was not an easy one.

With the waist band of my pantyhose resting at an interesting angle between my left knee and my right ankle, I tippy-toed and hippity hopped, and hobbledy-hobbled into the bathroom (so as not to increase the run in my hose, you know) and grabbed the Kenra hairspray that is like GOLD to my baby fine hair. Gold, I tell you.

Then I carefully pulled up the legs of my hose and proceeded to spray the tar out of that run.

Then I put my left thumb through my hose at approximately the site of my hip bone.

At which point I sprayed the tar out of THAT run.

Between the hairspray on my head and that on my hosiery, I could have powered a compact car for a day.

Nobody light a match, mama will go up in flames.

ticking clock....ticking clock.....

Finally my outfit was put together and I looked in the mirror and told myself I looked absolutely ridiculous - the whole outfit was all wrong. But there was no time to correct it.

ticking clock....

Hoping that my favorite pair of gold earrings would correct the numerous mistakes of my Sunday best I grabbed them and put them on.

Thankfully I took one last look in the bathroom mirror before heading downstairs because while one earring was gold, the other looked strangely gold AND silver. At closer inspection I saw that I had actually stuck TWO earrings into one ear - a gold dangly one and a smaller silver dangly one. Apparently the little silver heart had become tangled with the gold circles in my jewelry box.

*sigh*

Now I do not plan to stop wearing earrings so I obviously need to be more vigilant with my ear accessories each day.

But this whole pantyhose fiasco? This is precisely why I usually wear slacks to church.