OUR CHILD CARE ARRANGEMENTS

I do not like having things up in the air. I like knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. I get very frazzled when I am left wondering what the next step is going to be in any situation. When I wake up every morning, I go over in my head the things that need to be done that day. In fact, I start doing that before I fall asleep at night.

Which could explain my chronic insomnia.

When something comes up that is not part of the plan, I go into a little bit of a tail spin. A CONTROLLED tailspin, but still a tail spin.

I am a planner.

So when we got the news, two months ago, that my dad's cancer was indeed terminal; I of course was not only struck with grief; but also with an utter sense of things spinning out of control. Because there is no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring, what the next hour will bring, when dealing with terminal illness. This was something for which I could not plan.

And that is difficult to handle for someone who is not good at playing the "What If" game.

But there are some things I decided I COULD control in this situation. I could, to some degree, start making a plan.

I decided to start with what was most important to me, my children. What would I do with my children when we got a call to get there as quickly as possible? Our children are 14 (tomorrow) and nearly 17 (in July) so we believe they are old enough to decide for themselves whether or not they want to be present while we deal with this issue of death. You know? Up close and in the midst of it.

So we came up with a plan for when we got "a call" and told the kids how we thought it should work.

For Kayla we decided we would first call one of our neighbors for whom she babysits. She could spend the evenings with them, sleep on their couch or in the guest room, and come home in the mornings to get ready for school. Or we could call the parents of one of her friends and get her there quickly; since I had already talked to one or two of the parents and asked if this would be possible. This was if she didn't want to come with us.

For Blake we decided he could stay home, and we would contact the parents of his friends and ask them to keep an eye on the house and allow Blake to call on them if he needed anything. I know. I know. Some would not agree with this, letting a nearly 17-year-old boy stay home alone over night, but in three months, he will be able to serve in some branches of the Armed Services. In three months he will be considered the age of majority.

So when we got the call last Tuesday that we had a matter of hours to get to Dad, we put the plan into action.

I started running through the house yelling "THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL."

Oh, no I didn't.

We asked Kayla what she wanted to do. She opted to go with us, so I told her to go pack a bag with at least 3 outfits, books, movies, medications, a pillow etc. and be ready in 30 minutes. She did great. And I mean GREAT.

Blake opted to stay home. I gave him money for food, instructed him to take care of the pets and lock all doors at night, and reminded him that we would be calling at least three families to let them know to keep an eye on the house.

As we were driving to Indiana on the first trip over, Paul's cell phone rang and it was Blake's friend Cody. First he said he was sorry for what we were going through. I know, this from a 16 year old boy. Neat, huh? Then he said that his parents said he could stay with Blake if that was ok with us. Of course it was. Then his mother got on the phone and assured us that she and Cody's dad would keep a close eye on the boys.

Let me just say this. Until Blake shows us that we cannot trust him, we choose to trust him. And having Cody here with him, was a huge help to us. Because, next to Paul, Cody's dad is the ONE man that Blake would not want to disappoint.

No. No way, would Blake want to disappoint Chief O.....


On that first trip, Kayla was such a good sport. She settled herself in the lounge on the cancer ward and read her books and watched movies on the portable DVD player. She sat in her Grandpas room occasionally. She never complained once, not even when we were checking into a hotel at 2 in the morning, and we were all bone tired.

And Blake? I got home and the only mess in the house, was what I had left in the kitchen from dinner the night before. The counter tops were clean, the pets had been fed. The litter box wasn't a disgusting mess.

The second trip, Kayla stayed with a track team mate since they had a meet on that Saturday, and we decided it would be good to leave her with somebody that needed to keep the same schedule as she. That was the first night. On the second night, she stayed with one of our neighbors. Blake took her over and walked her in, and they both represented us well. I know this because our neighbors later said some wonderful things about both our kids and I was so proud that I started crying on the phone as he spoke.

Blake, on the second trip, had Cubby stay with him the first night and Cody stay with him the second night. Again, both of their parents knew we were going to be gone and agreed to keep close tabs on them. Again, Cubby's dad is NOT a man that Blake would want to disappoint. Not only is the man 6' 8" and almost 300 pounds, but Blake likes and respects him.

On the second trip, we left each of the kids some cash to use for meals out or emergencies.
During one of our phone conversations, Blake said that he had eaten some "nasty gross quesadillas from the freezer" and I reminded him that I had left cash for him to go get a couple of good meals.

His response?

"I'm not wasting that cash on food. I'm hoping to buy myself a new video game. You know? To console myself over the extreme loneliness I feel from missing my parents...."

Uh, yeah, right!

I rattle on like this to say that I think our planning worked. I feel confident that the kids were prepared, as well as they could be, for this emergency. I feel confident that they both got through the week well and felt secure with our arrangements.

And I felt better knowing that our preparations and our forethought made things a little easier on our family. I felt like I had a little bit of control in a very uncontrolled situation.

I will try to make this the last post about terminal illness for a while. Tomorrow is Kayla's birthday so I might come up with a sappy, boo-hoo kind of post.

You know? One that celebrates life.