SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Perhaps you all can help me with these questions that are swimming through my brain lately.

-Is Tupperware the only one who makes an orange peeler? Because I couldn't find one at Target. I found an avocado slicer, a pineapple corer, an apple corer, a melon baller, a lemon zester, a grapefuiter, a grapefruit SPOON....but no orange peeler. Oh, we have one, but I refuse to put it in the dishwasher because if it's not available when I want to peel an orange, well, then I get a little flustered, because once you've peeled an orange with the Tupperware orange peeler, there's just no going back. So I have to just keep washing it by hand so that it's always ready at a moment's notice. I'm thinking that having another one (or two) on hand would relieve this stress in my life.

-Is anyone else's husband (or important male in your life) really hard to buy for? And I mean REALLY hard to buy for? I mean for birthdays and Christmas? Because mine is so hard to buy for, that when I try to shop for him (for his birthday) I almost get resentful and wish he were just a little more self centered, just a little more greedy. But alas he's not, so I just buy more things for myself.

-If pet hair sticks to everything, like clothes and furniture so doggone well, WHY, for the love of Fido doesn't it stick to the pet?

-Are jean designers EVER going to make a flattering jean that does not sit so low on the waist? Because I am getting REALLY tired of seeing the backsides of so many women at the mall. Today I saw most of a woman's backside, WHILE SHE WAS STANDING UP at a changing table in a public restroom. It was so disturbing. I also saw a mom, about my age, who was wearing low rise jeans and a top that showed about two inches of her abdomen. The tattoo sticking out of the back of her waistband was a pair of eyes. SO. CLASSY.

-Why, when I double space between paragraphs on my blog posts, does it show up as a triple or quadruple space in the editing window?

-Does anybody else cut their own hair between visits to the salon? Anybody ever done it with sewing scissors? The big ones? You know, if you can't find the hair scissors? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

-Does anybody else then dread visiting your stylist because you know you are going to have to confess that yes, not only did you trim your bangs, but you cut the sides and top as well, because you were desperate and couldn't get an appointment? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

-Does anybody else hate to hear "What's for dinner?" some days, because you just couldn't think of anything exciting to fix so you wasted all afternoon THINKING about dinner instead of actually PREPARING dinner?

-Has anybody else ever had to hide their face behind a magazine in the doctor's waiting room so the other patients wouldn't see you laughing at the old lady who was listing VERY LOUDLY the foods that gave her gas, to her friend that brought her? Something like this: "I just been eating cereal for breakfast 'cause that bacon gave me gas. Bacon gives me gas, even if I put it in the microwave. Same with Brussels sprouts; I love those but they give me gas real bad. And baked beans? Those baked beans give me gas. And I love broccoli, but it gives me gas...." Gas gas gas gas gas. That's all I heard from across the way. And I couldn't stop giggling into my Good Housekeeping.

-Has anybody else had to run out for a grocery item EVERY DAY of the week, because, even though you have enough of some things to feed the local track team, you have forgotten the chocolate syrup you have to take to your mother's for "Dessert Night", the vegetable oil needed for your husband's birthday cake, pancake syrup because your family members treat it as a beverage, and Tums because, for some reason your stomach is a little upset lately?

-Do any of you get really excited to see, like say SIX comments on one of your blog posts, only to click over to them and see that two of them are your own? It's kind of a Ziggy moment....

-Have any of you seen my white bra? Oh I don't mean while I'm wearing it, silly! But like anywhere? Because I have completely lost my new white bra, and with spring upon us I will be wearing my standard spring uniform of white t-shirt and pastel cotton cardigan, so I really need that white bra. I don't think my red one or my "coffee" one will cut it, unless I'm going for a "Sex and the City" look, which I'm totally not; so I actually had to go out and buy a new white bra so I'd have plenty on hand. You know? To relieve that stress in my life.

It is so hard to be me.