TEN DAYS

But first, a thank you. Thanks to all of you who have left comments during the past week and a half. Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts. This is probably the greatest thing about blogging - knowing that there are at least a few other people out there lifting me up in prayer and keeping my family and me in their thoughts. Thank you.

And now a warning of sorts. If you are not inclined to read about death, dying, grief, funerals, burials, cemeteries, or even dark humor, you might want to stay away for a while. I am still seeing the humor in life, so will post the "funny" when I see it; but I will also be posting the not so funny for...oh...I don't know...let's say....well however long I want.

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TEN DAYS

My life, like so many others, is now divided into a great big BEFORE and AFTER. Before my dad died and after he died. Before I got the news and after I got the news. Before the funeral and after the funeral. Before cancer and after cancer. Ten days ago began my "after."

Ten days ago, I made a grocery list and still have not bought SOS pads and whatever else was on that list. I can't find the list, and I am desperate to find it, because it is my last bit of normalcy before I got the news. It is interesting to notice the little things that occupy our thoughts at times like this. I really want to find that grocery list. I feel a strangely overwhelming need to find that list.

Ten days ago, I had no idea that my kitchen desk would hold an ever growing stack of sympathy cards.

Ten days ago, we had decided to leave our recently unpacked suitcases standing in a corner on our bedroom floor. We would be using them quite a bit in the weeks to come, to go visit Dad, so why put them away? Or so we thought.

Ten days ago, I had never possessed a box of funeral home-issued thank you notes. Now I do.

Ten days ago, I loved my brothers and sisters and was proud of them. Now I cannot put into words HOW MUCH I love them and HOW PROUD I am of them. They are my heroes. I know, without a doubt, Dad would be proud of us and how we have held each other up during this time. I miss them more now than I ever have.

Ten days ago, I had no idea that there was not one pair of conservative black pumps in our entire mall. At least not in a size 7 1/2.

Ten days ago, I had some negative feelings about the funeral business. I still do.

Ten days ago, my prayer was "if it be YOUR will, spare him from this death. If not, make his suffering brief." Now my prayer is, "Make me strong enough to minister to those who grieve with me. Make me as strong as Dad was as he faced death."

Ten Days.

How quickly they've passed. How slowly they've passed.
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Be strong and courageous....The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:7,8

I think of this verse when I think of Dad. He truly faced the end of his life with strength and courage. And dignity. Oh the dignity this man had.