THE SOCIAL (NON) DRINKER

I do not drink alcohol.

But I totally don't mind if you drink it. Really I don't.

I used to think it was wrong to drink alcohol. I used to allow myself to be swayed by some very strict conservative views that proclaimed the consumption of alcohol was morally wrong; yet at the same time I was never offended to be in the presence of somebody else who was drinking it. I don't know if that made me a hypocrite or not...

Now I don't think drinking alcohol is wrong. I think drinking alcohol to the point of becoming drunk is wrong. Because becoming drunk is an abuse to your body, and it's an embarrassment to yourself and those around you.

But even though I don't think it's wrong to drink, I still choose not to because:

- I take medications that may or may not mix well with alcoholic beverages, and why take the chance that I may or may not have a seizure at some upscale social function. That would totally embarrass my husband and probably ruin a really nice outfit.

-Alcohol can trigger migraines and, as a sufferer of migraines, it's not worth the risk for me.

-I truly believe I have an addictive personality. My grandfather (my dad's dad) was an alcoholic and, from all accounts, a pretty mean one when he was drunk. I know now that when we visited my grandparents when we were little, the "meeting" my grandfather was at was Alcoholics Anonymous. My dad drank a lot. He never got mean or out of line, but he started drinking early in the day and certainly liked his beer. Because of the history of heavy drinkers in my family, and my addictive personality, I choose not to take the chance.

-I don't like the taste. I have tried to acquire a taste for wine. You know? To be social. But I just don't like it. And why learn to like something that may or may not cause a migraine, or a seizure, or excessive vomiting.

So I don't drink.

And people look at me like I'm speaking a foreign tongue when I pass up an alcoholic beverage at a party. And I'm getting pretty tired of it. I mean, if I don't judge you for drinking; then why should you judge me for NOT drinking?

I didn't feel so freakish as a non-drinking teenager as I do as a non-drinking adult.

Can anybody tell me why that is? Because it's really irksome to me.

Last summer, Paul and I were invited to the home of his co-worker for a wine tasting dinner. They have a small vineyard and they harvest their grapes and transport them to her brother's vineyard where he actually makes his own wine and sells it under his own label. They took us on a tour of their vineyard and explained the whole process of growing and harvesting grapes. It was really fascinating and Paul even went back the next day to help harvest. Then with dinner, they served wine that had been made at her brother's winery.

The thing is, when we received the invitation, Paul told the hostess that his wife didn't drink wine but that we'd be glad to come. She said she probably wouldn't be drinking that night either because she wanted to be able to get up early the next day, and that she'd have soft drinks available. I was still a little uneasy about the whole evening because I knew I would stick out like a sore thumb being the only person without a wine glass in my hand.

So as they started pouring wine with the appetizers, while the guests mingled, I simply stayed back and didn't grab a glass. One of the other guests actually looked at my stomach and said "Are you pregnant? I'm just not used to seeing somebody NOT drink unless they're pregnant." To which I said "If I was pregnant, Paul would be falling down drunk right now, from the shock. No, I'm not pregnant. I just don't drink wine."

But, really, why did she even have to ask me why I didn't drink wine? Why did she have to draw attention to me for that? Am I the only one who thinks that was rude? Am I the only one that thinks that was a classless thing to do? Because this woman was the wife of a REALLY big wig in the company and she should have had more social grace than that.

And to top it all off, there were NO other drink options. The hostess actually handed me a glass from the counter and pointed to the sink where I could help myself to some tap water. I felt lucky she hadn't sent me outback to drink from the garden hose.

So when we were invited to another "grape picking supper" this year, I told Paul that, if it wasn't that important to him, I wasn't going, but he could sure go without me. I was made to feel so uncomfortable at the first one that I can't see myself going again.

At the office Christmas party, while I was drinking ginger ale, I also had to offer an explanation to the man beside me as to why I didn't drink wine or beer or gin and tonic or martinis. I was very honest and polite and told this man that it triggers migraines, doesn't mix well with my medicine, and, honestly, I just don't care for it. He was actually pretty sweet about it and listened to me as though he was fascinated at having met such a rare person. Oh, and he was British so he can go home and tell his friends he met an American who doesn't drink. Imagine!!

Please don't think that because I don't drink alcohol that I'm not social. Because I am. Really, I'm social. And I can get as wild and crazy as the next girl, without wine or beer.

I've embarrassed myself and my family plenty just by drinking diet Pepsi.

Please weigh in on this. If you are a drinker, does it bother you to be around a NON drinker if he or she is NOT judgmental about your choice? Shouldn't we, as adults, be way beyond the stage where we care who joins us in a glass of wine? Really, why do I make people so uncomfortable?