EVIDENTLY I HAVE NO CLASS - PART II

What? Two posts in one day? Well, yes because, apparently the day could get worse.

After being told by my door painter that I could be keeping my door a little cleaner...ahem...I skedaddled on out of there to run some errands. Some vital errands.

I had to run to the post office and buy a roll of stamps so that we cold mail out the concession duty schedule to the freshman class. Surprisingly that stop went off without a hitch and I managed to leave our tiny little post office without humiliating myself. The victory would be short lived.

Next was a stop at Staples where I was to have 85 copies made of said schedule, along with a couple of other vital papers for the class of 2012 - four pages in all.

Did I mention it was really windy today? REALLY windy.

So windy, in fact, that when I opened my van door, and stepped out with the vital Freshman documents in my hand, the wind grabbed them and sent them flying like so many white kites into the neighboring empty lot.

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

I had a fraction of a second to decide if I wanted to chase the documents down, pretending that I was the only person on earth and that nobody would be watching, or if I wanted to call the other mom who had those documents on her computer and run to her house to print more.

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Deciding I did not want to swallow my pride (or take the time) to drive to "other mom's" house to get those papers re-printed, I decided on the easy way out.

I chased the papers down.

All four of them.

In fourteen different directions.

Blowing away from me at 12-15 miles per hour across that empty field.

Because that wasn't swallowing my pride at all. Oh no, that was the dignified choice. And I am nothing if not dignified.

And wouldn't you know? Just when I got close enough to one of those papers to pick it up, the wind would snatch it away again, sending me stomping after it for a few more feet until it would tease me again, daring me to reach down to pick it up and then - WHOOSH - off it would go again.

PEACE BE STILL. PEACE BE STILL. PEACE BE STILL.
LORD PLEASE CALM THIS WIND. LORD PLEASE CALM THIS WIND. PEACE BE STILL.
I'M SORRY FOR SAYING CRAP. THREE TIMES. NO SIX TIMES. I'M REALLY SORRY. PLEASE MAKE THIS WIND STOP.

After gathering three papers I stood in that field looking all around for the fourth like one would look for his lost pet. Because by golly I was not going to sacrifice my dignity (and what had been a pretty decent hair day up to that point) for three of the four papers and then give up. Oh, and speaking of pets. I did see a wild cat charge by me. I totally would have brought him home had my mind not been on other matters, mainly because I know how much my husband loves cats....

Finally I spotted the lone paper wedged against something on the ground so I trudged over to pick it up, wondering why on earth I thought it was so important for my daughter to be well-rounded.

See, I wouldn't have been doing this if she wasn't a class officer. But NOOOOOO-uh. I had to raise an ambitious, diligent young woman who wants to participate in things that will look impressive on a college application.

I am totally going to teach her to be a slacker next year. Seriously, leadership is over rated, don't you think? But I bet she would have been proud of her over achieving mother today.

So then.

I walk into Staples with my crumpled papers, march up to the copy center and say:

One tequila - straight up.

Oh, you know I'm kidding; it's just been a while since I typed tequila.

I actually lay the papers on the counter and smooth them out like a fourth grader who had rescued his homework from the dog. And that's when I noticed...um...something...on the edge of one of the papers. I'm not sure what it was and I won't even allow myself to speculate. There was also a suspicious smudge on another paper - obviously something picked up from that blasted field. These papers did not look pretty. At all.

*Note to self - donate hand sanitizer to Freshman class - 85 bottles.*

But that wasn't the end of my really good fortune.

Seems the copier at Staples was down and the repairman may or may not make it today so I had two options:

Let them go ahead and charge my credit card and stand at the "do it yourself" machine and run the copies myself.

Leave the papers with them, NOT let them charge my credit card, and return tomorrow to pick up the copies - letting the nice young folks at Staples do it.

Um....normally I may not have minded standing at the copier at Staples and running 85 copies, times four, but today?

Today, after running through the field chasing papers, gathering said papers, smoothing them along my leg as I entered the store, noticing something...um...questionable on half of said papers, knowing for certain that my hair looked ridiculous, and then being told that the copier was down? And all that after being told by a construction worker in my very own home that I need to clean my door better?

After all that and having to ask myself YET AGAIN why I can't manage to keep my dignity in tact when I leave the house; did it really seem reasonable that I would want to stand at Staples and make copies?

I think not.

To top it all off, once the freshman class finds out about my incompetence, I'm likely to be fired. My title of "Class Officer Mom" might be revoked.

Yeah, right. I could be so lucky.