SHHHH.....

Don't tell my husband, but I went shoe shopping today. Don't tell him that I bought two pairs of sandals - both on sale.

Anyway. While I was trying on these sandals, a young sales clerk came up to me and said "Hello, Ma'am, may I interest you in a sample of this Donna Karan body lotion?" "Uh, sure," I said and held out my arm. And she said "I'll just give you a hand massage while you try on your shoes." No kidding, while I was trying on sandals that were on sale, I was also getting a hand massage. Could my day have been any better? And it's not even my birthday.



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I had not really been out of the house in about 10 days because I have been in a fog of pain with a pulled muslce. Actually a GROUP of pulled muscles. I think everything from my "trap" to my tricep, if I remember correctly what my doctor was saying. Everything going up the left side of my back and down to my left elbow, with extra pain in my left should blade (no chest pain, no dizziness, no shortness of breath,no numbness or tingling in my left arm) So basically, I had somehow pulled the entire left side of my body.

I have had a pulled muscle before, but I have NEVER had this kind of pain before, not even after my two c-sections. This pain was CONSTANT and EXCRUCIATING. I am not kidding. Oddly enough, it felt better if I was standing and moving my arm. I will let you use your imaginations on how that looked as I tried to stay comfortable in the waiting room of the doctor's office and then in line at the pharmacy. I think I slept about 3 hours a night for a week, because I would wake up and pace the floor swinging my left arm.

Here's the thing. For 3 of those days, Paul was on a business trip. I knew I needed a doctor, but I was in so much pain I did not think I could even drive to my doctor's office and I would not call anybody to ask for help. Why am I like that? I thought of several people I could ask, but I came up with excuses for them without even asking...."She's has little ones and won't want to get them out and wait in a doctor's office." "She has to be at work by 3 and I can't ask her to be late." And on it went. So I went to a nearby walk-in clinic and got something that didn't help a bit.

By the time Paul got home, I was unable to get an appointment with our doctor until Monday, so he took me to the emergency room where I got a couple of drugs that made me loopy enough to at least get through the weekend. When I finally got to see our family doctor, he told me to stop the happy pills and instead gave me a steroid pak to reduce the inflamation. I was feeling some relief by the next day, and feel even better now, although my arm is still really weak and tires easily. I have no idea how I injured myself so severely. I mean, seriously, I NEVER do anything strenuous enough to warrant such an injury. I HAVE been working on cleaning out our closet, which goes to show you that projects like that could be dangerous. Could it be that I have recently turned 4o and, as comfortable as I am with this age, my body is just going to start falling apart without cause?

Anyway, to repeat my question from earlier, why do I refuse to ask for help? I was really needing help and I know there are people who would have really been glad to help, yet I wouldn't ask. All this has made me wonder if I have made myself seem unapproachable. Have I let my light shine in such a way that somebody in trouble could say to themselves "I know she won't mind helping..." or will they think of me and say "I can't ask her because..."

So, for the record, I am always willing to lend a helping hand. But it will probably have to be my right one because I have to keep my left one swinging.