THERE WAS A TIME...

There was a time when this kind of winter weather would have passed me by without much of an impact on me. I'd alter my day a bit; dress the kids a little warmer, putting them in turtle necks and sweatshirts, thick winter socks. I'd go without a few groceries that I thought I needed just to avoid getting two little ones out in the ice and sub freezing wind chills. I'd "break the rules" a bit when it came to playing at home. We'd build a blanket fort, bring out the macaroni bucket, watch videos. And more videos. We'd ALL get a nap after lunch.

We'd stay in where it was warm. And safe.

Yesterday, as winter weather began to settle in, Kayla's volleyball game was cancelled. And was I ever relieved; because I was nervous about putting my daughter on the team bus in that sleet and those freezing gusty winds which the news had said "could be hazardous for high impact vehicles like buses and semi-trucks." Kudos to the SV school district for cancelling that game. The bad weather had barely started and somebody had the foresight to keep those kids home. So many times, the powers that be will take the chance that the weather won't get any worse, only to have kids and their families on the roads in dangerous conditions. This time their prediction was spot on.

So the game was cancelled and I got to feel that brief moment of relief.

Until I realized my other child was out in that weather. He was at wrestling practice 15 miles away. Thank goodness he had come home and taken the jeep before he went, so at least he wasn't driving that little mustang that makes me crazy nervous. But still. He is 16 and a half. This is his first winter of driving. He was driving on county roads, not major highways. And he's my baby boy. Even his dad was worried. I know because his dad called and said "is Blake home? These roads are bad." So if DAD was worried, then surely MOM had a right to be a complete basket case.

Of course, everyone made it home safely and we settled in for the night and I resisted the urge to bake cookies and we listened to the wind howl and howl and howl all night long. And before falling asleep I turned to my husband and said "Thank you for our wonderful home."

And I found myself thinking all evening long "There was a time, when this weather didn't set me on edge like it does now."

There was a time when I was able to keep both my chicks in the nest, protecting them from winds that howl and snow that bites. There was a time when the closest they came to being out in the elements was pressing their faces against the picture window while they watched the blowing snow. Or they were only out in the snow when I chose to spend 20 minutes bundling them up so they could go out and stumble around in it for 10 minutes, before they decided it was too cold after all; so we'd come in and place mittens and socks on the heat registers, find our favorite blankets and settle on the couch to watch Barney.

There was a time when they were only out in the world when I was right there beside them, watching, monitoring, teaching, protecting.

But now?

Now is the time when they are out in the elements, more and more, without me. And for longer periods of time.

Now is the time when I have to bury my fears and let my face be masked in confidence. Confidence in them. Confidence that they will make the right choices. Confidence that they will heed my usual words as they leave the house "Represent us well. Be safe. Be smart."

As I send them off under an umbrella of prayers and wonder where the years have gone.