WHY?

As the parents of a new marine, Paul and I have realized we are going to have to get used to questions that parents of new college students simply are not asked.



It's puzzling really.



I'd finally recovered from the disapproving comments made by others when he first decided to enlist:



"How can you let him do that...?
"You should make him join the Air Force....."
"Marines? But they're the ones that kill...."



And the one that continues:



"What made him decide to choose THIS path?"



We really don't know how to answer that question.



We don't know how to answer it because we would never dream of asking it of any other parent.



"Why would he go to THAT college?"

"What made her decide to be a TEACHER?"

"What interests him so much in business that he would choose that path?"

You know. Questions that imply there is something not quite right with that choice.



Regardless of how the question is meant, we HEAR judgement in it. We hear a challenge in it - a challenge for us to justify our child's choice.



For quite a while, Paul had held on to an article from the Wall Street Journal - an article written by a man whose nephew was going to West Point. He was getting these same kind of questions and he had penned a response.



Basically, he wrote that people simply cannot comprehend that a young man with the world at his finger tips - a young man with countless options - would choose a life of military service.



Thankfully we live in an era where the military is a very revered institution; however, it is still one that carries stereotypes. Many people still believe that the military is a last resort.



They believe it is for kids who are in constant trouble and it is their last chance to straighten out their lives. They believe it is for kids who have no family life or loved ones and so they seek out the brotherhood of a military unit. They believe it is for kids who want to go to college but simply don't have the money - and for those kids they can't comprehend why one would not go the ROTC route.



Blake falls under none of those categories.



He simply loves his country and had a desire to serve.

He simply looked at the Marines as a huge challenge that he wanted to push himself to meet.

He simply has some interest in seeking political office one day and believes a military background is a plus for that route, should he choose to pursue it.

He simply decided that he is capable and healthy and there was no reason for his parents to pay for his college tuition when he had a way to work for it himself.



And still, we do not know how to answer the question "why did he choose the military?" in a polite and succinct manner. If we answer with the above options, we sound pompous and boastful.



But believe me, it is getting more and more tempting. It is getting more and more tempting to come back at these people with "why did your daughter choose the path she is on?" "Why is your adult child still at home, not working OR going to school?"

Or:

"Well, while your son is finding his future at the bottom of a beer can, my son is getting up at 4 a.m, pushing his body beyond its limits, taking occasional breaks for first aid and history classes, sleeping in the dirt, and preparing to fight in the mountains of Afghanistan so that you may keep your right to ask me stupid questions. Oh, and all the while he is earning a paycheck AND building up more than $80,000 in education funds. EIGHTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. for an education."

Something like that.

But so far, we've said none of that. We've simply stumbled on our words and wondered why people can't simply say something like "well, we wish him luck."

So. How should we answer that question?

Anybody?