YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME...

I am this close to having an "extensive criminal check" done on me.

Here's the thing. When I started my new job, I had to be finger printed. So I drive downtown to the county sheriff's office (where parking is horrible) and get that done. A week later, my boss comes to my desk with a note saying the FBI had refused my prints as "illegible" and I would have to go again. So I head back downtown and get printed again by the same nice young detective. The next day as I was turning the card in to my boss, I realized the nice young detective had not signed the form. Back downtown I go to get the signature. I was so relieved to get that mailed off and over.
Well, yesterday we received another note saying my prints had been rejected by the FBI as "illegible." I must get another set of fingerprints made and then if those come back unacceptable, an extensive criminal check will begin on me. By the way that black ink really is nasty and the "orange goo" they use to get it off is real gritty and stay under your nails all day...
Also, I have been to the sheriff's office so often, people probably think I am checking in with my parole officer. The detective asked if I wanted to wash my hands today and I just said "oh, I know where the ladies room is, thanks...."
Now, I understand the need for security at a brokerage firm. I understand the need to be cautious. But I work 4 hours a day answering the phone and filing the brokers' backlog of statements. I am a part time receptionist and my mantra regarding sensitive information is "I know nothing..." You know, like that german soldier in "Hogan's Heroes." I cannot give quotes over the phone. My computer does not allow me to access the quote screen. Fine with me. I cannot handle client checks. Fine with me. I am just starting to wonder what all the fuss is about with this fingerprinting and the possibility of a criminal background check (an EXTENSIVE one even) for a PART TIME RECEPTIONIST!!!!!

Oh, also today, I think I might have been sexually harassed. A client asked me how the weather was in Decatur and then proceeded to suggest I get off early to go lay in the sun in my bikini.
What I WANTED to say was:
1. Sir, you obviously have never seen me in person, or you would not even think bikini when talking to me.
2. By the way you sound about my grandpa's age.
3. You must be a HUGE client here to think you can talk like that - but it's just wrong no matter how much stock you own.
What I said was "what broker did you need to speak to sir?"

It's not that I had a bad day or anything. I'm just sayin'....