THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE UP....OR....AND STILL IT COMES

So I walk downstairs this morning at 6:30ish after being awake since 5:15 (on a Saturday, I hate that) and look around my horribly messy kitchen and mutter "this is what happens when you give up." And then I looked out the window to see if the snow predicitons were true; that we'd be getting around 4 more inches after the nearly 12 we got 3 days ago. And it is falling nice and heavy. And I muttered "And still it comes."
It's been a bad week. Paul returns this evening after 8 days in London. The travel is nothing new to us but it has been awhile since he's been gone for so many days at once. I learned a couple years ago not to anticipate anything when he's gone. I have a habit of thinking forward into the week he's gone and telling myself "just get through...." fill in the blank, "and things will be smooth sailing from there."
I told myself not to do that this week, and yet I did. I had planned to take Thursday and Friday off work. So I kept telling myself I would just get through Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and then I would have two days at home to catch my breath during this stint at single parenting and he'd be home Saturday.
Then the blizzard struck. I could not get to work Tuesday because our driveway was blocked by a 3 foot drift...at the end. The garage door was blocked by about 24 inches of snow. The middle part of the drive, however, was perfectly clear so the kids could have shot hoops, I guess, if they had the desire to do so in the 25 mph wind, blowing snow and 15 degree temperature.
I spent Monday night and Tuesday morning watching the drift grow bigger and bigger and worrying about getting out to work. Thankfully my boss called that morning and said not to get out. Wednesday morning, Blake and his friends got me shoveled out but it was fairly late, so I called my boss and said I would not be in that day either. I struggled with that decision but finally decided they would not fire me because all of the men in the office are afraid of the phones.
By Wednesday afternoon, the roads were passable so I decided to venture out and get a few groceries and let Kayla meet her friends for some sledding. I ignored the voice in my head that kept saying "sledding's not a good idea," all day long. As we ventured out I told Kayla "If the lane to the golf course is bad I'm not going to attempt to drive down it," still ignoring the voice in my head. The lane was fine. Halfway. When I got to the middle, I stopped and said "I can't go any further, you will have to walk or come home with me." We were only about 100 yards from where the kids had gathered and we could see them, so she grabbed her saucer sled and trudged through to the sledding party. That is when I knew I had to go back down the lane in reverse. That is when I got stuck. So I used the "rocking" techinque all midwest beginning drivers are taught. Drive, reverse. Drive, reverse. After about 6 times of that I got moving. Then I backed into a driveway to turn around so I could exit the lane going forward. And I got stuck again. Drive, reverse. Drive, reverse. Only 4 times of that and I was on my way. Thankfully there were two men using snow blowers on the lane who seemed quite happy to stop their work and STAND AND WATCH ME GET MYSELF UN-STUCK. I mean really, doesn't an audience make that kind of situation go so much better? So all the way to the grocery store I was thinking " What is the matter with you two men? You both should be ashamed of yourselves, watching a 40 year old woman struggle to get her mini van unstuck on snow packed roads. All I can say is you must be from somewhere else because here in the midwest we help each other out during blizzards, and after blizzards."
Needless to say, since I had missed work on Tuesday and Wednesday I needed to work Thursday and Friday. My anticpated week had been buried in 12 inches of snow. Yesterday I had to get out late to take Kayla to the church lock-in. It was snowing again. I was exhausted. I had only slept about 4 hours the night before. I had a sore throat and an earache. When I walked in after dropping her off, it was after 10. I looked around at my horribly messy kitchen and said to myself "I give up. I'll deal with it tomorrow." I went to bed but had to set my alarm for 5:30 in case Kayla needed a ride home from the lock-in. Thankfully someone gave her a ride. But I had to get up anyway to unlock the front door for her. And when she got home, I could tell just by our very brief "good morning" that she'd had a wonderful time. I'm glad I ventured out and took her. I did not begrudge her that; I had simply been nervous about the roads and was tired.
My mom raised four kids alone. I have been thinking about her a lot this week. I've been thinking about all single parents this week. How do they manage a household alone with no relief in sight? I've been so tired all week. I've been worried and anxious. I have spent some time crying. But I know help is on the way. The cavalry is coming. There will be more trips to come, more "opportunities" at single parenting. But I have reminded myself that this is only an 8-day stint. There are so many parents out there who cannot fill in the blank when they say "just get through..." because they do not see an end to their loneliness.
Today I saw the snow falling and said to myself "And still it comes." I wonder how many of these single parents simply open their eyes in the morning and say "And still it comes."
I will be praying for them.