THE CONFESSION

I have been living a lie.

An e-lie if you will.

There is something I have been keeping from the blog world that I finally must confess to you.

So far I have just been too ashamed and embarrassed to put forth the ugly truth about myself. I fear abandonment (by all 4 of you) I fear social isolation (e-social isolation? social e-isolation?) I fear finger pointing and snickering.

But, in order to have inner peace, I must let you know this awful truth about myself.

I do not know how to blog.

There. I said it. It's true. I'm a blog phony. A big fat blog liar. A bliar?

Oh, I can put the words to paper, so to speak; and some even say I have a way with words. But that is all I know how to do. Get the words out there. But there are so many other things I can't do.

I can't post photos. Ok, I did it once but it took me FOREVER. And the entire time I was doing it, I kept thinking there had to be a better way. Surely the bloggers who post photos on a daily basis do not go through this daily - with mulitple photos. I know I need to invest the time into really looking and studying and learning this stuff, and soon it will be second nature. But I am impatient and old and set in my ways, and I just don't have the energy to tax myself that way.

I can't link to other blogs or websites. I have looked in the "help" section of blogger and the only thing that accomplished was making my eye twitch. Again, I know this will just require a little bit of time on my part, and the end result will be worth it. Think of the wealth of information that I can open up to you, my readers, when I learn how to link. You lucky people you.

I can't seem to lure commenters onto my blog. Probably because of the other things I can't do. I know this doesn't really matter, because this blog is mainly for my children - a legacy. But still it's nice to know you're not speaking to a brick wall. My own husband doesn't even comment, which shouldn't surprise me, because when he travels, his e-mails home are never more than five words "arrived fine will call later" A man of few words - in person and on the keyboard.

I'm sure if I could post photos my comments might increase. Then again, I don't have small children, and those are the photos people love. My children are teenagers and, even though my 16-year old son runs from a camera, I think they're gorgeous. But most people don't look at pictures of teenagers and send comments like "so cute!" or "can't wait til mine can do that?" I don't have cows or mustangs. My husband is not a cowboy. I don't have triplets. Or a new baby.

But I still want to post photos. Mainly for that legacy thing.

In light of all this, I want to confide in you about someting else.

I'm thinking of breaking up with Blogger. Please don't tell yet. Blogger is just too complicated. I won't go into the details, but we've been having problems for a long time. Blogger's been good to me, in some ways, but I think the end is near. Out of respect for Blogger and our time together I will let Blogger know first the reasons for our breakup. I have been composing the letter in my head for a while. I know I need to let Blogger down gently, but I also know it must be a clean, swift breakup. And I don't really want to leave Blogger until I have someone else lined up. I am a girl who needs a word companion. I know that is weak. But I have to have somebody waiting in the wings before I break off this relationship. I just hope I don't have to get a restraining order.

There. It's all out. Judge me if you will. Now I am going back to bed and regret clicking on "Publish Post."