Friday, June 13, 2008

ON CLEAVAGE

*Note - this is not a debate on cleavage. Please do not weigh in on whether you are for it or against it. Because I'm sure that vote would be split evenly along gender lines. On second thought, if it will increase my comments, go ahead and weigh in on whether you are for it or against it.
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That's it!

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer.

Or my fingers quiet, as the case may be.

I am sick of putting on a cute new flirty summer top and looking into the mirror to see cleavage.
I've had it up to here with it. All the tops are like that. I can't escape the cleavage. These cute new styles are something else, I tell you.

How is a girl supposed to keep her girls covered?

Now I'm no prude. I'm not Amish; nor do I belong to the FLDS. But I like to dress modestly. I like to keep certain parts covered.

I also like to dress in the latest fashions.

Evidently the two are mutually exclusive.

I try to layer things with tank tops and sometimes that works. Sometimes, though, the tank top is lower than the neckline of the cute new flirty summer top. Sometimes the tank top is lower than the top of my bra.

I usually do a little cleavage test. If I stand at my bathroom sink and lean forward EEEEEVVVVER so slightly to wash my hands, and I see cleavage, I start trying to modify the wardrobe. Trouble is, almost all my new tops fail the test - I see cleavage with almost every top.

Cleavage cleavage cleavage cleavage cleavage.

(I wonder how many times I can type the word cleavage before I'm linked from Google)

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes I turn the tank top around and wear it backwards, if the front neckline is too low. It usually works because the "tags" aren't tags anymore. The "tags" are printed right onto the fabric. Sometimes it doesn't work because the line of the tank top - worn backwards - completely ruins the look of the shirt. But I'm getting tired of trying to layer things. I'm also getting hot, because our temperatures are rising and the humidity is usually around 90% this time of year.

Let me repeat. I am no prude. But I want to dress fairly modestly for a few reasons:

- I don't want to be speaking to a man (or woman) and notice that they are looking south of my eyes. I know a man who does that to all women, even if they are wearing turtle necks. It is irritating and disgusting. Whenever I know I'll have to speak to him I want to pin a sign to my shirt that says "Hey! I'm up here, stupid!"

-I don't want to be showing off the girls to anyone but my husband, unless I'm at the swimming pool or the Oscars. And really, guys? Even if you enjoy seeing your wife's/girlfriend's cleavage, do you really want her body on display for every other male she comes across?

-I'm raising a 14-year-old daughter and I want to model the right example for her. How can I veto some of her clothing choices if I'm showing too much skin myself.

-I'm raising a 17-year-old son who has friends over all the time. I'd think it would be embarrassing for him to have his mother walking around the house showing off her girls. I also want to model an example of moderate dress for him so, hopefully, he won't choose a wife one day who dresses like Brittany Spears.

So there is my dilemma these days - dressing fashionably and trendy (trendily?) without showing too much of myself.

If things don't improve soon I will have to give up all electricity and start driving a horse and buggy.

Or take 4 sister wives and have 12 more children.

*Shudder*

5 comments:

Paul W said...

ok....I do like YOUR cleavage.

And, while your final suggestion sounds intriguing, I really don't think I'm up to the challenge.

Thank God I'm not a woman.

Pauley

Kandi said...

I don't mind a little cleavage but I can definitely see where you're coming from and understand your reasons.

Reply to your comment on my post: I thought the same thing after the Belmont when they didn't show the winner or even really mention him. I thought it was unfair to him and his jockey/owner/trainer.
Also, when left to her own devices, my dog eats her own poop too. She's an apartment dog so it's a rare occurence thus far but it'll be rough when I have my own house.

Brandy Thixton said...

I'm totally with you on this one! I've done the backwards shirt thing on more than one occasion, and I can't TELL you how many tanks I have. One day this week, I wore one shirt and two tank tops just to keep everything covered.

You've got me fired up! I'm going to write a letter.

Now I just have to figure out to whom it should be addressed...

Rechelle said...

I saw a lady at the ball fields the other day who had tied two tiny knots in her spaghetti straps to keep her tank top in a place where you know... she preferred. The two knots looked cute.

Susiewearsthepants said...

I have no cleavage to speak of, but I am having the same problem. I am wearing a thin camisole under most of my summer shirts. I want to be in style but I don't want anyone really seeing what I don't have.