ON CLEAVAGE

*Note - this is not a debate on cleavage. Please do not weigh in on whether you are for it or against it. Because I'm sure that vote would be split evenly along gender lines. On second thought, if it will increase my comments, go ahead and weigh in on whether you are for it or against it.
********************************************

That's it!

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer.

Or my fingers quiet, as the case may be.

I am sick of putting on a cute new flirty summer top and looking into the mirror to see cleavage.
I've had it up to here with it. All the tops are like that. I can't escape the cleavage. These cute new styles are something else, I tell you.

How is a girl supposed to keep her girls covered?

Now I'm no prude. I'm not Amish; nor do I belong to the FLDS. But I like to dress modestly. I like to keep certain parts covered.

I also like to dress in the latest fashions.

Evidently the two are mutually exclusive.

I try to layer things with tank tops and sometimes that works. Sometimes, though, the tank top is lower than the neckline of the cute new flirty summer top. Sometimes the tank top is lower than the top of my bra.

I usually do a little cleavage test. If I stand at my bathroom sink and lean forward EEEEEVVVVER so slightly to wash my hands, and I see cleavage, I start trying to modify the wardrobe. Trouble is, almost all my new tops fail the test - I see cleavage with almost every top.

Cleavage cleavage cleavage cleavage cleavage.

(I wonder how many times I can type the word cleavage before I'm linked from Google)

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes I turn the tank top around and wear it backwards, if the front neckline is too low. It usually works because the "tags" aren't tags anymore. The "tags" are printed right onto the fabric. Sometimes it doesn't work because the line of the tank top - worn backwards - completely ruins the look of the shirt. But I'm getting tired of trying to layer things. I'm also getting hot, because our temperatures are rising and the humidity is usually around 90% this time of year.

Let me repeat. I am no prude. But I want to dress fairly modestly for a few reasons:

- I don't want to be speaking to a man (or woman) and notice that they are looking south of my eyes. I know a man who does that to all women, even if they are wearing turtle necks. It is irritating and disgusting. Whenever I know I'll have to speak to him I want to pin a sign to my shirt that says "Hey! I'm up here, stupid!"

-I don't want to be showing off the girls to anyone but my husband, unless I'm at the swimming pool or the Oscars. And really, guys? Even if you enjoy seeing your wife's/girlfriend's cleavage, do you really want her body on display for every other male she comes across?

-I'm raising a 14-year-old daughter and I want to model the right example for her. How can I veto some of her clothing choices if I'm showing too much skin myself.

-I'm raising a 17-year-old son who has friends over all the time. I'd think it would be embarrassing for him to have his mother walking around the house showing off her girls. I also want to model an example of moderate dress for him so, hopefully, he won't choose a wife one day who dresses like Brittany Spears.

So there is my dilemma these days - dressing fashionably and trendy (trendily?) without showing too much of myself.

If things don't improve soon I will have to give up all electricity and start driving a horse and buggy.

Or take 4 sister wives and have 12 more children.

*Shudder*