OVERSTOCK

I surely must be the only housewife in the country who is constantly in trouble for keeping too much food in the house. A well stocked freezer (or overstocked, depending on how you look at it) really bothers Paul.

REALLY. BOTHERS. HIM.

There's too much food in this house! He grumbles when he opens the freezer.

Yes dear.

We are not buying any more groceries until we've eaten everything in the freezer!

Yes, dear.

Are we expecting a blizzard?

You complain now, but when that blizzard hits and we can't get out for three days, who's going to be complaining then? Huh? HUH?


This past Saturday, when I couldn't be bothered to make lunch before heading to my cousin's wedding, Paul dug out an old chicken pot pie. And since that was pretty good he dug out another one for lunch on Sunday.

He has decided to take it upon himself to empty the freezer of all of our old food, one meal at a time.

And turn his body into a science experiment while he does it.

How old is that pot pie you're eating? I ask, my hand on the phone ready to dial 911.

Old.

Yesterday morning, I noticed he was carrying a plastic bag out the door on his way to work.

Oh, you're taking your lunch today?

Yes. I'm going to eat everything in the freezer that has expired.

Because he'd rather eat old food than throw it away.

But then I noticed something red in the bag. Weight Watchers Smart Ones Red.

But....pfthhht....UH!...you can't....WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?

I'm taking these frozen entrees to work so I'll have lunch all week.

Not my Weight Watchers meals you're not. Don't you be takin' my Weigh Watchers Fruit Inspirations meals. They're not old. Besides, I saw that ice cream you ate last night; there's no way you're counting calories.
PUT DOWN THE SACK AND STEP AWAY FROM THE FROZEN ENTREES.

Fine. I'll take these corn dogs. He says as he digs in the freezer all over again.

I wouldn't do that. The kids eat those after school. I mean if YOU want to tell the kids you're eating all their corn dogs....

Well there's gotta be something in here that has expired.

MUST. EAT. OLD. FOOD.

Come to think of it, he's asked me to meet him for lunch today. I've been thinking we'd be going to an actual restaurant. Maybe he's planning to heat up all that old food in the microwave at work so we can sit in the car and eat it together.

I better call him and clarify his plans.