HEY....YOU WANT SOME CHEESE TO GO WITH THAT WHINE?

As captivating as my school history is sure to be to my ONES of readers, I am taking a break from writing about it to whine.

That's right, I'm going to whine.

Because, you see, I feel like poo. In fact, I've felt like poo since Christmas.

But, wait. Can I say poo on here?

My teenage son says poo all the time and it is so funny coming out of his teenage mouth:

"Dude, taste this. It tastes like poo."

"Man, that lunch today tasted like poo."

There are many worse things a teenage boy could be saying.

Anyway, I have felt like poo, on and off, since Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, I started feeling bad and just assumed it was stress, because I was entering into the time when we would be spending many hours with extended family. Enough said. And I have come to realize that stress, for me, manifests itself with physical pain very much like the body aches that accompany the flu.

Miraculously I started feeling better on Christmas night, as we returned from our parents' houses, then started feeling bad again the next weekend as more family started pouring into our home. See? Stress. But the "stress" kind of sick is usually just kind of an achey-all-over-and-I-need-to-go-to-sleep feeling.

Then, I got sick the weekend of January 5th. I know the date because that is when Paul and Kayla went on a ski trip; and Blake was going to be gone much of the weekend watching a wrestling tournament. I had many wonderful things planned for myself to pass the time. I was going to organize the stamp room. I was going to go to Hobby Lobby. I was going to make a batch of cookies.

But instead, I lay abed (lay abed? where did that come from?) with chills and nausea and body aches. This time I decided I had the legitimate flu, which really made me mad, because I had had the legitimate flu SHOT. You're not supposed to get the flu, if you have the flu SHOT. If I had been strong enough I would have filed a complaint.

Then the last weekend in January I got sick again - chills, nausea and body aches. It was either another bout of the flu, or food poisoning. I missed dinner at my mom's house which did not earn me any points, but again all I could do was LAY ABED and feel extremely sorry for myself and wonder what on earth was causing me to be sick all the time.

Then last night - guess what.

I started feeling sick again. It always starts the same - with this horrible bloated feeling in my stomach, not quite nauseaous but like I need to belch. And belch and belch and belch. I know, it's not a pretty picture, but I'm just tellin' it like it is. Except I can't belch. And then I know I'm going to spend the next day or two feeling lousy, with nausea, body aches, fatigue....

And pair that with what is not a pleasant time of the month for me anyway, and I just want to LAY ABED and moan "why me? why me?" Again, I'm just tellin' it like it is.

My poor husband called me this afternoon to see how I was doing and I started crying. I had felt it in the back of my throat all day, and then I heard his voice and I turned into a seven year old and said "I'm f-f-f-fine," and I couldn't stop the tears.

Because, COME. ON.

This is getting ridiculous. I am now at the point where I'm trying to decide if I need to go see my doctor and see what is going on with me. Is it just a fluke, and I really am catching every bug out there? Is it psychosomatic and I really AM losing my mind? But I really do feel lousy. All I've had to eat today are a few crackers and some tylenol. NOTHING even sounds good. That right there should be a red flag for anybody who knows me. AND I cancelled my hair appointment today, so my hair looks like poo.

And poor Kayla. I had to take something to her at school today and I'm surprised the poor child could hide her horror when she saw me. There I was in the same sweats I had slept in, no make up, hair plastered to my head under my furry faux leopard hat - because it's like TWELVE degrees here and I do not want to add an earache to all my other ailments.

I always tell our kids that they need to represent our family well, especially at school, and then I show up looking like....like....well....like poo.

My poor children.