HOUSEWIFE NEARLY WRECKS VAN EATING DIRTY GRANOLA BITE...

So I went to Wal-Mart today. Just to get a "few" items.

I didn't do too badly today, actually. I did, however, buy a ginormous container of coffee creamer because I knew we were about out. And this morning, I watched my husband put 6 teaspoons of creamer in his travel mug. SIX!!! So I said "Did you SERIOUSLY just put SIX spoons of creamer in your coffee? SIX?"

But I digress.

I also bought these new little snack thingys called "Morning Minis." Just another quaker oatmeal snack, but oatmeal is a good snack and I love it, so I picked up the peanut butter variety, 'cause my husband likes peanut butter.

And I'm thoughtful like that.

On my way out of the parking lot, I opened a pack of the Peanut Butter Oatmeal Minis to try them out. You know? To make sure they were good enough for my husband. I decided they were pretty good, so I finished the pack on my way to Hobby Lobby because it really was my snack time; the time at which, at home, I would be eating a cup of yogurt or some fresh fruit.

I "needed" to go to Hobby Lobby because their 12x12 paper is on sale - 5/1.00. And that's like...let's see...carry the one...that's like...well, that's a lot percent off!! Also, their candles are 50% off and I love their Butterscotch Sundae candles.

But I digress again (re-digress?)

Anyway, on my way to Hobby Lobby, I get to the last Peanut Butter Granola Bite thingy and I drop it on the floor of the van. I hate that.

So I immediately start counting backwards from 10, because everybody knows once food hits the ground you have ten seconds to retrieve it so you can consume it without fear of all sorts of horrible things happening to your digestive tract. Except, according to my brother the Master Sergeant, Army brats get 20 seconds.....

And the pressure of finding that Peanut Butter Granola Bite, before reaching the end of my countdown, was enormous.

Because, dang!

They're pretty good!!

And I failed. I did not find that nugget of food before counting off ten seconds. I did, however, notice that the floor of my van, on the driver's side, is astoundingly clean. I had to wonder for a moment if I was driving to Hobby Lobby in the wrong van. Until I glanced into the back floorboards and noticed the same crunched up Doritos, 2 water bottles, a Gatorade bottle, and a single powder blue fuzzy glove that have been there most of volleyball season. Whew!! What a relief. I was in my own mobile pigsty after all.

But no matter how many times I tried to lean over and scan the floorboard, while driving, I could not find my peanut butter granola bite. And I couldn't feel around with my feet, because that would crush it and besides, that would just be unsanitary. I mean, it's one thing to eat a piece of food off the floor of my van, but to eat one that's been touched by the bottom of my shoe...?

I think not.

Finally, at the last stoplight before entering Hobby Lobby's parking lot, I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned WAAAAAAY forward and felt around under the seat.

And found my food!!! (Cue Hallelujah chorus here)

I gave it a quick once over and popped it in my mouth. So, I had counted to ten about 12 times?
It was worth it. And I probably have about 12 hours before the first wave of nausea hits.

And on another Hobby Lobby note: I spent $8.77, and felt pretty smug because the lady in front of me had just spent $219.00. TWO. HUNDRED. NINETEEN. DOLLARS!!!

But I bet she doesn't eat dirty food.