At the Bus Stop

Several times over the last couple weeks, the bus has been extremely late for the kids. So I have taken them and the neighbor kids to school. No big deal, other than it would be nice for the bus to show up when it is supposed to. Also, another bus drives right by our corner and it seems she could stop long enough to tell us that our bus is 20 minutes behind. Also, what about the kids who are dropped at the corner by moms who have to get to work? They are waiting a long time in really cold weather. Along with this has come Kayla's new wishy washy attitude about the bus. Several mornings she has asked if I'll drive her to school. So I will warm up the jeep and get bundled up and then she looks at the clock and says, "I think I'll ride the bus after all." By then Blake is counting on a ride from me so I take him anyway. See, our kids go to school in another town - 7 1/2 miles up the highway. So taking them to school takes 15 miles worth of gas. That's not counting the days I do carpool for weightlifting or volleyball. That's another 15 miles. So 30 miles a day for school transportation, sometimes. So yesterday, after my second trip up and back, Blake asked if he could go to the girls volleyball game with his friends. I said yes if he could find a ride; I was not making another trip. Is that unreasonable? (Also, when Blake got an afterschool detention (2 actually) gas was 3 dollars a gallon so I made him pay me for the gas it took to go get him. Was that unreasonable?) So, Chris, I guess this is one of those weeks I am not bright and sunny. Every time I hear "Mom, can I have a ride to...." I feel my eye start to twitch.

How Crazy is that?

I am not a morning person. When I met my college roommate, I knew I had hit the jackpot when she said "no offense, but I hate mornings, I won't be talking to you before classes." Wooo-hooo. It was a match made in Heaven.
Now, though, I fake it with the kids- trying to put on a sunny face to start the day with them. It is about to become more difficult, as we have just decided to let Blake take on a paper route. Weekdays, the papers have to be on the porch by 5:30. He has wanted to do this for a long time and one finally came open for him. Paul and I will help him fold papers the first few days and then drive him around. After that, he will fold and then we'll get up and drive. A small part of his pay check will go to us for gas each month. We're proud of him for his desire to work. He is looking ahead 18 months to when he can drive, and he wants a good chunk of change to put toward a car. Pray for us. We are getting a new Starbucks but I don't know what time they open; I am feeling an addiction coming on.
Paul and I each had paper routes as kids. We are already arguing over the correct way to roll the papers. My siblings and I had a morning route and an afternoon route. My mom still talks about the time she lost her car at 4 in the morning. She forgot to put it in park when she got out to throw the paper and it started rolling away.....
Anyway, it's a good way to learn a work ethic and it's not bad money for a teen. It's easy now because he won't have to actually go to the doors each month to collect.
The timing is good too. I really think this is God's way of giving Blake a new direction and something to make him more responsible - something to exhaust him each day so he has enough energy to do only the things he is supposed to be doing.
What were your teen jobs?

A peanut butter haircut...?

Do you save your change. We throw all our loose change in a big peanut butter jar and cash it in when the jar is full. Today I got 38.17 at the bank. So I went and got my hair cut. And I still have enough left to buy fast food for supper a couple times this weekend. Actually all the change but quarters go in the jar. Paul puts the quarters in our "Air Borne" tubes. They are the size of a roll of quarters and he thinks that is just so cool to save our quarters in those. Yes our kids carry "Air Borne" tubes to the concession stand. Air Borne was invented by a school teacher to ward off colds. It works. Take at the first sign of a cold - every 3 hours, and you'll feel better. At least I do.
Ok, have any of you ever been at the grocery store with your cart overflowing and people comment on how much that is going to cost you. I hate that. It's always some old man for me. Now, it's not that I owe them an explanation but sometimes it just LOOKS like alot. I mean, if I have 4 gallons of milk (yes, we drink a lot) and a case of water, and a giant pack of paper towels (I have issues with those) and 3 boxes of cereal, and all that is laying on top of my heavy winter coat, well then some of the little things will be perched precariously on top and it will look like a HUGE order. But really, is that anybody's business but mine and my bank's? I usually just say something like "yeah, well teenagers eat a lot." But that is not what I'm thinking. I will not go into what I am really thinking.
One more question. What do you do if you see a lady in a restaurant with toilet paper hanging out of her waistband. There's not much I could do because I was trying to stop my kids from laughing so loudly.

misery loves company

Just got back from the varsity basketball game. Kayla performed with the high school pom pom squad so we had to be there. It was fun, though, and I told Paul I'd go to the rest of them.
I ran into a friend in the "cafetorium" who was struggling with the same issues with her 14 year old son. I missed the nail biter finale of the game (we won) but came home with a much lighter heart. Because we cried and laughed and hugged right there in the high school cafetorium.
It's interesting who God sends to lighten our load. Tonight it was my favorite "bleacher buddy" from our sons' sporting events. We have always thought a great deal of this family and their son is just a fantastic boy who has spent lots of time in our home. His dad was out of work for a long time and that made him bitter and rough around the edges.
Last summer at a ballgame we asked the same ole' "how ya doin?" and he said "I'm terrific because I've been going to church and I have Jesus in my life now...! " WOOO HOOO!!!
They still have the same problems and struggles, but I see them facing things with a brighter outlook now. So I shouldn't be surprised that they were so helpful tonight - I just wasn't expecting such fantastic therapy at a varsity basketball game.

Yes I know cats have servants. Dogs want to be your friend and cats might ALLOW you to be their friend.

who needs mercy...?

My cat is walking across the keyboard, so I don't know what has happened here....

Anyway, I am wondering how often I have taken God's mercy and thrown it back in his face and been ungrateful for it.

Blake copped an attitude last night regarding his punishment. I told him he could be grateful for our change of heart. Basically, a typical conversation with a typical teenager. It could mean he is feeling better about things, and crawling out from under the blanket of guilt. It could mean he doesn't feel worthy of a second chance and this is how he expresses it. It could mean he is still just a really good kid who occasionally turns ME into a ten year old who wants to stomp my feet and stand and argue with him - you know doing his job as a teenager.

So is God ever pointing his finger at me saying "you could be a little more grateful...." or is He saying "I love you anyway and know that someday you will recognize the gift you were given"


On a lighter note... our "garfield" cat has not accepted his cat door well. He seems to think that the cat door should have come with a doorMAN. He stands inside the laundry room looking out through the flap and cries and paws at it and stares - waiting for us to hold it open so he can get through. Is he really that stupid or is he arrogant? The dog just stays in the laundry room and doesn't even try to come out. We always seem to have animals with issues........

getting there

I guess we're getting there. We are still exhausted from our emotional weekend. Our first and harshest punishment was to withdraw Blake form his wrestling team. His heart was broken but he just hung his head and nodded. He understood. BUT....
Last night the coaches called. They want to support us and they understand but would we consider letting him stay on the team so they can be part of Blake's healing and change of heart? I kind of suspected this would happen. Wrestling is an individual sport, so their offer has nothing to do with needing him to keep a winning team record or having enough boys to fill their roster. If this was basketball or baseball or football we'd say NO WAY. But these men were hurting with us and one of them said "I know it seems like the only way to punish is to take things away..." Well, that's true.
So we stayed up most of last night AGAIN and decided to let him return....with conditions.
He will miss half of the remaing meets.
He must make a statement to his team and ask their permission to return.
He must do some sort of community service. That's the hard one. I am going through the yellow pages to look over our options.
This on top of the material things we took away.
One coach said something that I must address tonight. He said Blake needs to be reminded of this every day. I DISAGREE. Perhaps I misunderstood what he meant. But I don't believe in throwing mistakes in somebody's face. The mistake is made, the consequences experienced, we move on and learn. Where would we be if God had not invented grace and mercy? Thank you, God, for not reminding me of my mistakes every day. Those reminders come from our own guilt and shame and difficulty forgiving ourselves. Things that can spiritually paralyze an adult - not to mention what they'll do to a child.
So, are we doing the right thing? We both worry we are looking weak by changing our minds. I stayed awake again last night wondering. Suddenly, though, my eyes popped open and I wondered if this was The Voice. My prayer had been for wisdom. Was this the answer? Were these coaches used to show us the better, more creative way to teach this lesson. We do seem to instantly list things that the kids will lose if they do wrong; but this way is keeping Blake active and accountable for his mistake and making him reach out to others. He's not going to be staying in his room being depressed. He's got 4 more adults and a team of wrestlers to whom he is accountable now. But then again.....
How do we know if the answer we think we've received is the answer we were meant to receive?
I pray now that Blake will recieve this mercy and do great things with it and prove he is worthy of our change of heart.

"I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful," declares the Lord. "I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt...." Jeremiah 3:12-13

Please continue to pray for us.

I recently told somebody that the greatest pain of raising children is when they disappoint you. This after a difficult week with one of ours.
Our son made a terrible choice last night and we are dealing with the consequences. My heart is breaking. His heart is breaking. I told him it was good for his heart to hurt; that is how we learn and remember. I told him to allow himself to cry and feel bad but do not let regret eat away at him until that is all that's left for him to live on. I told him that I have not, for one minute, stopped loving him, and will be with him through every minute of the shame and embarrassment that often come with bad youthful decisions. But, I also told him that he messed up....bad...and I hope his remorse makes him accept his punishment with grace and a willingness to start fresh without anger at us. Each time I suggested we get some rest, he wanted to talk some more. He clung to me like a little boy again.
I have been on my knees until I am numb and I am exhausted. I am desperate to feel peace from this and know that he will be ok...that our family will be ok. I have prayed until my mind is swimming. I am now trying to be still and know....I am listening for The Voice.
Please pray for our family. Please pray for our son - he's a great kid - please pray that this one mistake will not be a pain in his heart forever; that this one mistake will not follow him and allow him to be labeled. Please pray for Paul and me - that our decisions are good ones and that we stand firm with discipline when we see it breaking his heart.

Dancin' shoes

Well, I blinked again and my daughter is old enough for her first school dance. Not her first dance, really since she has been to a couple of daddy/daughter dances for brownies - but her first school dance which she attended without a parent.
She showed up with her girlfriends but was meeting her "date" there. She is "going with" a boy she has known since birth. His mother and I were pregnant at the same time, our families attended church together for 12 years. We watched their kids for weekend getaways - they watched ours. I changed his diapers, his mom changed Kayla's. They have been buddies from day one and now they are "dating." As preschoolers, they had a weekly play date after our ladies Bible study - every Tuesday at McDonald's play land. His mom and I wish we could just seal the marriage agreement now....then just keep them to ourselves til after college. Arranged marriages work in some cultures.
Yes, they are only 11 but it's the best time for them to "date." They don't get to go anywhere. They are only together when there are adults around. They have 9:00 bed times. We've decided to let them do their "dating" now and then forbid it when they are 16....
Anyway, I took 6 kids to Applebee's after the dance and they were very well behaved and nice and calm. I dreaded it all day for nothing. I think I will send a note to each kid's parents telling them how well behaved he/she was. Doesn't every parent love to hear great things about their kids?

My subject today is sitting in front of my screen, occationally chasing the cursor, staring at me as though I'm invading his space. Boomer is a really unique cat. He weighs 23 pounds and bullies the dog and the other cat, but only when it comes to food. He actually blocks the dogs path when she tries to get to the laundry room where the pets eat. Other than that he's a real... well pussycat. I've had preschoolers over here that carry this cat around for hours - upside down, sideways...they push on him to keep him in their laps while they watch tv and he just lets himself hang there until they're done with him - kind of like a big tolerant dog is with puppies.
Boomer had a rough start in life. Our vet (Cats Only) rescued him from the humane society when he was so sick he could barely hold his head up. We chose him instantly and it took her 2 weeks to nurse him back to health before we could have him. His tale has a blunt tip where something or someone lopped off the point when he was tiny. He has issues with food but I can relate. He tolerates my husband but clearly dislikes him. The other cat runs when Paul enters the room. Boomer holds his ground, just staring and blinking as Paul yells at him to get out of the sink, or off the bed, or out of the shower, or off that pile of laundry. The cat almost always wins; Paul walks away or finally grabs him and tosses him out.
Anyway, Boomer is getting a new cat door today. We wanted to be able to close the laundry room door and still allow the cats to get to the litter box (a vital issue!) We could not buy a cat door, however due to his size, so we had to by a dog door for "medium dogs up to 4o pounds."
Paul's comment yesterday probably indicates his feelings for the cats - something about burying them in the garden...but I don't think he wanted to wait until they died. This animosity might stem from the fact that I got these TWO cats to replace ONE cat. When Columbus didn't return one morning, I sort of promised the kids they could each pick out a new kitten. This happened when Paul was out of the country and I sort of didn't consult him on that decision. I'm sure he likes it better when I redecorate a room when he travels.....
But truly I know Paul would do just as much to keep my cats healthy as he would our dog, because he knows Kayla and I love them - a very simple example of that sacrificial love that comes with marriage. I love that kind of love and pray daily that I am worthy of it and that I exhibit it.

Dog tired

Do any of you have a dog? If you do, love it, take care of it, do what's necessary to keep it healthy and part of your family. If you don't - don't get one! Just kidding.
Our dog "Cookie" visited a new vet yesterday. It was worse than taking a cranky toddler to a doctor's appointment. Thank you, Paul, for usually doing the vet runs. Now I am reminded why we agreed on that. I can barely handle this dog at the vet. She is a 55-pound lab mix and from the front door of our house sounds very fierce when she barks at the mailman, salesmen, or any visitor pulling into the drive. Well, she is a whimp. I understand the 80-pound golden retriever making her nervous when he wanted to smell her...well, you know. But the 12 pound skinny little critter made her cower under my legs... and then the 8 week old puppy that greeted her actually sent her under the chair, tangling me in the leash. She spent the whole time flitting around, looking for a place to escape. Oh and she is trembling the whole time with her tail between her legs. I was sweating just from filling out the "new patient" form while trying to comfort the baby and keep her from escaping. The floor was spotted with her drool droppings. It's amazing, I started thinking of the other dogs like bullies on a play ground. I just wanted to tell the other owners "CONTROL YOUR DOGS, THEY ARE TRAUMATIZING HER." When really mine was the neurotic one.
Well $130 (yes, my annual check-up, including lab work, was cheaper) and 1 hour later, we drove home in time to get the kids to their various activites. At dinner time, Kayla says "what's wrong with Cookie?" Her face was all swollen and wrinkly like a shar-pei. Well Great! She had reacted to one of the shots. So 10 minutes before closing time, we rush back for a shot of benadryl. I was not looking forward to Paul's reaction to the first bill, let alone a second visit for an antihistamine. Thankfully, these sweet people did not charge us for that trip.
When we got Cookie 7 years ago, she was 5 weeks old and we wondered how far we'd go for animal health care. Two knee surgeries, an attack of pancreatitis, and daily arthritis medicine have made us realize we'll go pretty far. They do become part of the family and I do adore this dog. She's loyal, and eager to please. She hides under the bed when it storms. She scares salesmen away. She's great company when my husband travels, although with her fear of thunder and new born puppies, I don't know how much protection she'd be.
But my vet trip yesterday made me miss our turtle......
Anybody else an animal lover?

I'm wrestling with this problem....

Ok, so we are new to this kids wrestling scene. Just when I learned the rules to basketball and football, softball and baseball, my kids throw new sports at us. Volleyball for K and wrestling for B. Volleyball, I know from school - at least enough to enjoy watching the game. But this wrestling is a WHOLE NEW WORLD. I HAVE learned that being a ref for one of these meets might be a good job for me - they spend LOTS of time lying on the floor...checking to see if those shoulders are on the ground. But I'd have to learn that sign language they use so.....
Anyway, the kids wrestle 3 times throughout the day. Each match is 3 minutes long and then they wait about 1-2 hours between matches so you have this 3 minutes of excitement and then you sit and wait and wait and wait until your son is up again.
Yesterday, we did out waiting on the bleachers behind a young mother with low cut jeans and a short top on. She had a HUGE tattoo on her lower back - an underwater scene. And enough of her was showing that....well, we were pretty sure she had no undergarments on. We were with other families and of course our 14 year old sons were sitting with us; Amazing they chose not to run around quite so much yesterday...just kidding. But really, it was quite annoying. I finally asked the other mom with us if she thought the lady had an epidural before getting that tattoo. IT was really big. Whatever, I wish women would cover themselves a little better....
Lots of people were yelling "down in front" or "we can't see" during the matches. Should we have told her "we see too much" or "cover yourself please" or "sit on the top row." I would never have the nerve but sometimes I wish I did.
I also wonder about how young we start kids in sports. When the wrestling team is so little that they walk in being lead by their coach, all holding hands like preschoolers on a field trip, you wonder if it's a little early. And when the boy with a bloody nose had to go to the girls bathroom with his mom because he couldn't go alone to the men's, you wonder if it's a little early. And when the little boy's uniform had to be taped together in back to keep it from falling off, you wonder if it's a little early......
We let our kids start pretty early in sports (about age 7) so I'm convicting myself when I wodner these things. We just spend so much energy and money and TIME for these activities I wonder if that's why some kids grow up with such a sense of entitlement and expectation that their desires come first. Where do we draw the line between encouraging your kids' interests and allowing their schedules to dominate your life?
One last question. Shoudl girls be in wrestling? The champion of one of the brackets yesterday was a 14 year old girl. She took down every boy she wrestled. I wondered if some boys hold back when up against a girl because some of those holds are pretty "intimate". In fact at one point yesterday it looked as though her uniform and sports bra were being pulled off....YIKES. One of our coaches will not work with the girls - not because he diapproves but because he will not put himself in the position of anything being misread when he's teaching her.
So what do you all think....?

Letters to my kids

I am composing letters to my kids to remind them of all the great things they did in 2005. I am letting them know why 2005 was a great year to be their mom just as every year since the day they were born. Yes, I have the tissues nearby.My mother told me, when Blake was born, that I would blink and he would crawl, then I'd blink again and he'd walk.....all the way to the blink that would have him married. She was soooo right. These letters are reminding me how many times I must have blinked since each of them was born. I have written about this elsewhere regarding Blake, who is 14 and growing like a great dane puppy.I am predicting that the kids will love the letters even if they don't get all mushy-gushy on me for them. I have tried to let them know that I am their biggest cheerleader no matter what. I think I have proven this at their sports events. I am not nearly as dignified in the bleachers as I thought I'd be; but that's another blog. So, on those days, when I am sure I have failed as a mother, I'm hoping these letters will help me also; to remind me that they are pretty good kids and that I am not raising monsters. If you have never felt that way about your own kids, please do not read my blog anymore.So try these letters. Even if your kids can't read, write them and save them for when they can. I'll let you know how mine go over....

I am composing letters to my kids to remind them of all the great things they did in 2005. I am letting them know why 2005 was a great year to be their mom just as every year since the day they were born. Yes, I have the tissues nearby.
My mother told me, when Blake was born, that I would blink and he would crawl, then I'd blink again and he'd walk.....all the way to the blink that would have him married. She was soooo right. These letters are reminding me how many times I must have blinked since each of them was born. I have written about this elsewhere regarding Blake, who is 14 and growing like a great dane puppy.
I am predicting that the kids will love the letters even if they don't get all mushy-gushy on me for them. I have tried to let them know that I am their biggest cheerleader no matter what. I think I have proven this at their sports events. I am not nearly as dignified in the bleachers as I thought I'd be; but that's another blog. So, on those days, when I am sure I have failed as a mother, I'm hoping these letters will help me also; to remind me that they are pretty good kids and that I am not raising monsters. If you have never felt that way about your own kids, please do not read my blog anymore.
So try these letters. Even if your kids can't read, write them and save them for when they can.

I'll let you know how mine go over....