Friday, March 21, 2008

NOTES FROM NASHVILLE - PART III - THE BLACK NAPKIN

We, the W family, visited a plantation while in Nashville. I just didn't feel like I could go to the South and not see a real plantation, so I subjected my family to it. I understand my husband and son had a talk at some point before we left because when I said something to Blake about him "tolerating" the plantation visit he said "I know. Dad and I have talked." Hmmmm...

He actually did really well. In fact, as we got in the van after our tour, he said something like "Dude, I made it through the plantation visit without griping one time." Ahhh, how he's growing up. He did however, express quiet disgust several times over the slavery issue and mirrored my own concerns when he asked "are we, like, justifying this whole way of life by paying to take a tour of this place?" Pretty insightful for a sullen teenage boy.

Anyway, before we toured the mansion and the "Enslaved African American Workers' Homes," we ate in the plantation restaurant.

I was a little disappointed because I expected to see people in period costume giving us a real taste of what a meal would be like on a rich Southern plantation - you know the mistress of the mansion serving us up some corn pone and ham slices with some biscuits dripping in molasses. I seriously love that kind of stuff.

Instead we were seated in a nice little dining room and served by young college kids dressed in all black. Our menu selections were things like chicken salad sandwiches, crustless quiche, and Greek pasta salad.

Whatever.

So we were seated at our table and very quickly one of the young servers came by and whisked away my white cloth napkin and the silverware it contained and replaced it with a black one, saying "here's a black napkin for you, ma'am."

Wait, what?

At first I was a little panicked. Is there some sort of Southern napkin etiquette I don't know about? Could they tell I was over 40 and therefore should only use a black napkin? Did I appear to be in mourning? Was I being marked for some reason, like in that horrible story we read in High School literature where the whole town draws lots once a year and whoever gets the black dot gets stoned to death? Was I going to get a pie thrown in my face?

Speaking of pie...could it be that my black napkin marked me as the recipient of some special prize? Like maybe a rich decadent Southern dessert? Now I was getting excited. If that black napkin meant I was going to get something sweet at the end of my meal - FOR FREE - then it would indeed be a happy day. Please, please, please let it mean a special dessert!!!

There were confused looks all around our table as we all stared at my black napkin, standing out like a sore thumb amongst the other white napkins.

We, in all of our Northern sophistication and dignity were uttering: "What the heck's this here black napkin all about?" We, the W family were all atwitter.

So, I said to our hip young server "Um....I don't understand why my white napkin was replaced with a black one." And I said it as though I was confessing to my calculus teacher that I did not understand that first problem on the board.

And she said "Cause you're wearing black pants," as though that was all the explanation that was necessary.

HUH?!

No free dessert?

The only thing I can come up with is that perhaps a white napkin would leave little white specks on my black pants.....? Which I've never seen happen before; but what other explanation is there?

I am an educated person. I have been to my share of "upscale" events. I don't usually enjoy them, but I've been to them. I like to think I won't usually embarrass myself or my husband when we go to said upscale events. I want my kids to be comfortable at upscale events so they can relax and enjoy them when they are in that phase of life.

So, somebody please help me. What is this mystery of the black napkin? What have I missed?
Have any of you ever been given a black napkin because you were wearing black slacks? Is this a Southern thing I've never heard about? Because I went to college in the South and my roommate was most definitely Southern and SHE never taught me anything about the black napkin rule.

I truly do not need this added stress in my life - worrying about the black napkin rule.

So come on, my ones of readers, educate me.

5 comments:

Susiewearsthepants said...

I am still laughing!! That is the funniest story I have ever heard. Now I was born and raised in the south. I have never lived anywhere else but the south. Ever. I have NEVER heard of the black napkin rule. I must also confess that I have attended few "upscale events" in my life. However, I am very versed in southern etiquette. For example, before you say something mean about someone, you begin by saying this phrase, "Bless his/her heart". I will now use it in a sentence. "Bless her heart, she never could keep a clean house". Or, " Bless his heart, he has been divorced three times". I will ask some of my more upscale southern friends and find if they have ever heard of the black napkin rule.......that was a really funny story.

HW said...

Susie -
I've heard the "bless her heart" rule and try to follow it religiously.
I tell you, I fretted about that napkin all the way back to our hotel, a 45 minute drive..."I sure wish I knew what that black napkin meant." Please keep me posted on what you learn about this urgent matter.

Susiewearsthepants said...

I will, I know you don't need this stress in your life!

NinjaPrincess said...

Actually, the black napkin comes from way back in the day when people would wear all black while in mourning. Women would wear black gloves and black veils with their black dresses. They would refuse to use white napkins, feeling that even that amount of white was improper. Restaurants (mostly in the south where propriety was highly valued) always carried a stash of black napkins for their guests in mourning.

While the trend of wearing a completely black ensemble for mourning has faded away, black pants are, in the south, still seen as a garment of mourning. Your waiter assumed that you were grieving, and so did you the honor of giving you a black napkin to acknowledge your loss.

Actually, I just made all of that up. It's for lint. (See the link below for a discussion on black napkins.)

http://www.chowhound.com/topics/486297

hehe! :)

HW said...

Maude-
Veeerrrrry interesting. I went to the link and I guess it is a lint thing. Although, I've never noticed lint on my dark clothing from white napkins. And since I'm obviously not living in a cultural high point- ahem - I shouldn't have been expected to know that.
I should have known you'd be willing to do the research for me.
Thanks. I'll sleep much better tonight.