THANKS A LOT EVE....

....for plucking that fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and taking a big ole' bite out of it; leaving women for the remainder of time to experience the "greatly increased pains of childbirth..." which evidently includes pain during our periods as well. I mean, what were you thinking!?!



Sorry guys, but this is life on this here blog....



I suffer from dysmenorrhea, or painful periods. I also suffer from mittelschmerz, which is painful ovulation, so basically half of every month pretty much stinks for me. I am SO ready for menopause!



Anyway, let's get back to Eve.



Do you think during her first cycle after eating "The Fruit" she regretted taking that first bite? Do you think she sat in her little hut....shack....tent...rocking back and forth with mind numbing cramps wishing pharmacies had been invented so she could send Adam out for some Midol? Do you think she ever thought to herself "Well, shoot! If only chocolate had been discovered by now, I would whip up a pan of brownies and sit in the corner eating every last bite.?" Do you think she wanted to cut the heads off of every serpent she could get her hands on? Do you think she wanted to smack Adam on his forehead every time she merely heard his voice?



'Cause I can kinda relate,...



Except, she brought it on herself.



Yeah, thanks a lot for that Eve. I hope that fruit was REEEEEALLLLY good!

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I had talked to my doctor several times about my extremely painful cramps. He first started me on some prescription strength anti-inflammatory drugs. They succeeded....in giving my an ulcer. So I stopped taking any kind of pain relief. All along he kept saying, "when you're ready, I can start you on a narcotic. A lot of my patients take them for painful periods."



So at my last checkup I asked him "Um....what is Butalbital?" And he said "It's a highly addictive barbiturate; and yes, it's in your migraine medicine." And I said "I know it's in my migraine medicine, but it doesn't work for my cramps."



And he laid his forehead in his palm and started shaking his head back and forth, mumbling through his laughter about how I shouldn't take medicines for things for which they aren't prescribed. So I said "Don't tell my doctor or anything, but I tried it and it didn't work."


But, come on! Desperate times call for desperate measures.

So he prescribed Darvocet for my cramps.

That's right. My cramps are so severe, that I take a narcotic for them. But I have to be very careful when I take it because it makes me a little loopy. So I can only really take it at night, or if I have absolutely nothing to do through the day -which is like, never. It is so hard to be me.

And I blame Eve.

I also blame Eve for the fact that this afternoon I was SO TOTALLY in need of anything containing peanut butter and chocolate that I was afraid I would start taking hostages. The only thing I could find was Kayla's box of Peanut Butter Patties Girl Scout Cookies, on which she had written on one side "GET YOUR HANDS OFF. MY COOKIES." On the other side she had written "KAYLA'S ONLY....OR ELSE."

I ate three. I am so sorry, Kayla. I am a BAAAAAAD mom. (hanging my head in shame)

But I wanted to eat them all, and I didn't because, really, I knew that our family did not need a war going on between an adolescent girl and her perimenopausal mother.

Plus, I knew she could totally kick my butt.

So I fished out these chocolate graham cookies we found at the Dollar Tree, and the Jif peanut butter and spread the peanut butter on the cookie.

And, Lord have mercy!! Were they ever good.

So, despite my very healthy eating habits over the last several days, I succumbed to this horrible chocolate-peanut butter temptation - for the good of the people around me, of course.

Yeah, I'm pretty selfless like that.

But, Eve? If we happen to meet in Heaven....let's talk, girlfriend.