WHAT WORKED FOR US...

When our kids were little we attended a church that had several young couples right around our age. We were very blessed to have a circle of friends with children the same age as ours, going through the same parenting stages at the same time.

In fact, the year Kayla was born, there were five other women at church expecting a baby too. It was an incredible time for me -going through pregnancy, childbirth, and infancy with these close friends. Plus most of them had a child about Blake's age as well, which was about two and a half.

We traded babysitting with these other couples, even for weekend getaways. We moms spent many lunch times at McDonald's play lands with our toddlers, usually after Ladies Bible classes.
As the kids got older we even ventured into sit down restaurants with our little circus of preschoolers taking up a couple of large tables and ordering countless kids chicken fingers meals.

I have almost as many funny stories about these other children as I do my own; and I'm sure our friends can remember the goofy things our kids said and did.

Now when I see my kids with these families, especially THEIR kids, I feel a gentle tug at my heart, knowing that they have known my children since infancy, and I have known THEIR children since infancy.

And it is the only thing that makes me miss that church.

But there is something about those early stages of parenting that is still a little painful for me.

Along with the young families to whom we became so close at church, there were a couple of older women who were already grandparents that were very vocal with their criticism of how we "young moms raise our kids."

And I mean VERY. VOCAL.

No matter what the topic was in Bible class, one of these ladies often found a way to make some parenting point about how lax "young parents today are with their kids." If we were studying the book of Revelation, she'd make a comment and somehow segue into parenting and launch her attack on "young parents in church today." We didn't make our kids stand up to sing. We didn't make them hold a song book. We took them out too often. We didn't take them out often enough. We didn't carry Kleenex with us. We didn't make our eight year old boys wear ties. We didn't teach them to speak to the elder members. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH....

Another lady launched an attack one time on our diaper bags. Yes, our DIAPER BAGS!

"I've never seen so many bags in all my life, they way you girls carry diaper bags to church."

Huh?

We have an infant and a two year old and we shouldn't carry a diaper bag?

It was relentless; it was not a couple of passing comments. It was a near constant barrage of verbal bullets. And we young moms spent much of our time together licking our wounds, and trying to figure out why we bugged these women so much.

Because, come on!

Shouldn't we have been able to go to church, a safe haven, and be loved and encouraged? Shouldn't we have been able to go to church and feel like this older generation was glad to see us making the effort with our little ones? Especially since we all got our little ones to church THREE TIMES A WEEK? Four, if you count Ladies Bible Class?

I never had the courage to say what I wanted to say, which was A) "Do you REALLY remember? Were your kids REALLY that perfect? Because, surely you had struggles too while you were raising little ones." and B) "Please don't judge us yet, because our work has just started. Please wait until our kids are grown and you can see the final product. Because judging from some of your kids (and you know who you are) you haven't done such a fine job."

But I never did.

I did, however, notice one older lady who had already raised her children (and grandchildren actually) who never uttered a criticism about us. If parenting came up she would make quiet comments that started with "What worked for us was...." and then she went on to explain how she found success as a parent. She never said "I NEVER..." or "Young moms today should..." She simply said "What worked for us was..."

And I appreciated it so much.

I appreciated it so much, that I have tried to follow her example now that I am in the "been there - done that" phase. Now that my kids are past the magical yet exhausting baby, toddler and preschool phase; now that I have a little bit of experience under my belt, I try to be an encourager to those around me who are in the throes of parenting little ones.

Because, really, it is a hard job. And as in any job, we can all use a little encouragement, an occasional "atta girl," a little reminder that we're doing something right.

And, since I love all kinds of bags, I will just say that I LOVE all the diaper bags "these young moms" carry today.