THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING DIGNITY

I wasn't going to tell you all about the last two chapters of my dwindling dignity, but since this blog is a legacy for my children, I felt I owed it to them to record my perpetual search for pride and self respect while out in public.

After all, I have high hopes that they will read this blog one day and say "Gee. I want to be just like dear old Mom. She was such a woman of high class and decorum."

So the most recent chapter in The Case of the Disappearing Dignity happened today. But before filling you all in on that, I must take you back a couple of weeks to the installment that I was trying to keep secret.

After today, there is no secret to keep. The author of this blog cannot go out in public without making a spectacle of herself. And, really, why try to keep it a secret? I am nothing if not humble. As I've said before, I've learned to lower my own standards of self respect when out in public. I had hoped such incidents were limited to Wal-Mart but apparently they are not.
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A couple weeks ago, I entered the mall for my morning walk. As is wont to happen, I was distracted by a BOGOF (BUY ONE GET ONE FREE SALE) sign at Kohl's.

You don't have to ask me twice!!

I had been hoping to find a quilted vest because that seems to be the latest rage. Lucky me, I might walk out with two quilted vests, what with that BOGOF sale going on.

I did indeed find some vests that were just what I was looking for.

I took the vests into the dressing room area and stood in that little hallway space with the three way mirror. I slipped my jacket off and put the vest on over my t-shirt.

Let me just say. The vest looked PRIT. TEE. cute.

So I decided to take advantage of the BOGOF and get a couple.

It's a good thing I was in the dressing room area and not out in front of one of the "public" mirrors.

Because when I took the vest off, the tags got caught in the back of the neckline of my t-shirt.

And there I stood in front of the three-way mirror with a vest hanging off my neck and down my back.

After chasing my tail for a couple of seconds, I decided there was only one way to handle this.

I marched right up to the check out lady, vest swinging from the back of my neck, and said "Could you please stick your scanner gun thingee down there and scan this? I really want it and it seems to be stuck."

Oh, stop!! I'm kidding.

You all should know by now I would never do something so silly.

I finally managed to free myself from the burgundy vest, picked up the cream one and purchased them like any other ordinary shopper. *ahem.* For a few minutes, I deluded myself into thinking nobody would learn of the incident; but then I realized there are probably security cameras in the dressing room area.

I look forward to seeing myself on Youtube by Christmas.
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Fast forward to today.

I started my Christmas shopping today. And whew!! What a relief to have a good chunk of it done.

The beating my dignity took today, however, was in a more public place than a couple of weeks ago. This beating took place by the play place where all the young moms had gathered to let their little ones run off their energy before nap time. Lucky me.

I stopped there to put my coat on and gather my sacks out of the cart. I swung my coat around to put it on - you know - like any normal person would do.

And the snap on the hood got caught in my hair.

AM I JUST DESTINED TO GO THROUGH LIFE WITH CLOTHING DANGLING FROM VARIOUS BODY PARTS? JEESH!

Let me just say. This predicament did not last long. I didn't even have time to panic. There were no sweat droplets forming on my upper lip. But still, I had managed to get my coat stuck in my hair.

WHO DOES THAT? WHO GETS THEIR OWN COAT STUCK IN THEIR HAIR? DOES ANYBODY ABOVE THE AGE OF THREE DO THAT? I THINK NOT.

But regardless of how quickly I managed to free myself THIS TIME from the deadly grasps of an item of clothing, I doubt I would have panicked anyway. I think I am beyond embarassing myself.

Lord help me.

Is it any wonder my children are so proud of me?