The words that struck fear in my heart...

Mom, I want to do summer wrestling. NOOOOOOO! Congratulations wrestling, you have replaced baseball as my least favorite sport to watch - except for 9-12 minutes out of a 9 hour meet. I even told Blake I may not go to all the meets. I can't believe I said that. I always go to my kids things and act as their biggest cheerleader. But summer wrestling? An un-air conditioned gym with 300 spectators and 15o sweaty wrestlers in the middle of July? Well...you go once and then see if you judge me.

I would go to every meet and love it if they went something like this:

Sign in. "Oh, the Woolards. I hear Blake is one of the best wrestlers out there. And quite a handsome man. And is this Kayla? I know she is the up and coming softball pitcher to look out for and even prettier then my own daughter. And is this Mrs. Woolard or your older sister? Mrs. Woolard, have you lost weight?" Then somebody would PAY ME for going in to watch.

Notice Rules Board.
1. No cussing. If you need a thesaurus, ask. But please expand your vocabulary.
2. No making your kids feel lousy. Anybody caught doing this will be made to wrestle that really big coach from the team in the yellow and black uniforms.
3. No yelling "down in front!" Look around you remember where you are.
4. No saving a whole row of seats. You are not in 7th grade anymore.
5. Leave your babies at home. We love babies but they are miserable here. If you need child care, see Mrs. Woolard.

Meet nicely dressed college prep - type guide and listen to him/her say "Welcome, here is your pager. It reaches to the Wal-Mart on this side of the gym or the Target on that side. We will page you exactly 22 minutes before your son wrestles. Both stores offer 20% discounts to wrestling moms. If you choose not to leave the building, please enjoy our mothers' lounge. There you will find 3 years worth of People magazine and 2 big screen televisions. One will be showing Dr. Phil all day and the other will be showing Denzel Washington movies. Except Man On Fire because we don't like him so sad and haunted. Oh, and that Mrs. Fields counter over there - it's free. At noon we will bring you a chicken salad on croissant and a diet pepsi in a styrofoam cup with crused ice. Also, our starbucks opens at 9:00. It's also free. If you decide to take a nap, just dial 9 on the phone and leave instructions for a wake-up call. Any questions? Well, I know your son will win. And did I mention how thin you look?"

See? It could all be so simple....